COMFORT PLACE | bang chan.

[ 17 ] milk tea

November rolls around in a haze.

During this time, I barely manage to deliver my speech, but I pull through. I help Kevin study for his midterms and keep him calm when he got too stressed. I go to lunch with Ryuu, and sometimes with Nao when she can come down.

All in all, I learn to stop myself from constantly looking at my phone. And it's a little nice. I'm getting better. At least, I think so. Mum says she's happy that I'm not locking myself in my room all day.

But after Halloween, it got harder trying to forget about him, the image of Chan dressed as an angel burning deep into my mind. He looked good, he always looks good — but there was something desperate in his eyes, something hopeful, something meaningful. I don't cry when I think about it, but it's a near thing.

I just miss him.

Waiting for him is starting to get harder.

The space beside me on the couch dips as Kevin sits himself down, handing over a cup of coffee he had made just the way I like it. I mutter a small thanks and grasp the mug with both hands, allowing him to slide under my blanket while I take a sip. It's cold today; the temperature starting to drop as the last month of autumn arrives.

Kevin is sipping on his own mug of hot chocolate, and I can feel him studying me with an uneasy look from my peripheral vision. "You don't have to watch it if you don't want to," he tells me, sounding unsure.

I peer over to him and shake my head. "I want to," I reply with a small shrug, but my heart is fast in my chest. "I want to support them."

Kevin nods, slow and reticent, before he turns to the television to play the video.

After many months of recording, many months of rehearsing, and many months of preparing, today is the today Stray Kids will finally have their comeback.

It's ten minutes before the music video drops, and Kevin and I are comfortable on the couch, ready to stream the video. My heart still hurts, and my stomach still sinks at the thought of them, but it doesn't mean I shouldn't support them.

I want to support them.

The teasers that they have posted look absolutely amazing as always, and it's no surprise that the boys would deliver high quality content and music every time they have a comeback. And despite everything, I can't stop the fluttering in my stomach when I watch Chan in the teasers.

I just wish I can pat the boys on their shoulders and tell them, "You did well." That I can let them know they worked hard. That they deserve all the love in the world.

I'm sure they already know that though — STAYs are very supportive and aren't afraid to congratulate the boys on their hard work — I just wish I can let them know myself.

But that's okay.

I don't mind.

"It's Christmas next month," says Kevin, filling the silence, and I slowly look toward him.

"It is," I agree.

Kevin fiddles with his mug, nursing his drink. When he meets my eyes, I startle slightly to see his face bright and sparkling.

"Do you have any plans?"

I blink at him. "No."

A crooked smile threatens Kevin's lips. "Do you want to go to the Festival of the Lights together on Christmas?"

My fingers twitch at his words, a look of surprising finding its way to my face at my brother's sudden energy. "We went two years ago," I remind him, and Kevin seems to shine when he spots a smile upturning my lips.