Wasteland (Hotch X Reader) // ✔

10. No plan

Summary:

The explosion, Hotch's statement, and everything else - makes you remember another moment from your past.

Notes:

hey all, buckle up bcs this is a long one!! and i couldn't hold back this chapterrr - crazy bcs i wrote this before i even knew what this story was gonna be !

 (and i updated early bcs idk when i'll update "say it"  - sorry y'all!!)

theres a flashback scene but since it's long it's not in italics, so it's a bit easier to read

(there's a scene that is heavily heavily inspired by the series Penryn and the End of the World by Susan Ee - which used to be my entire personality when i was in high school lmao but the scene has stuck with me since forever forever for a goddamn lifetime

Also slight change from canon - hotch's father gets sick after high school not while in high school

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Sitting by the BAU agents, with only Gregson around, you take a moment to gather yourself. You give your brain a moment to catch up and jumpstart so you can return to the duties expected of you for handling a third explosion.

Maybe it's because of the fear you felt hours ago that Hotch wouldn't make it. The sheer desperation clinging to you. The mere fact that you'd been so anguished and unreasonable that you'd dislocated your own arm to go out and search for him.

Or maybe it's due to him being the same as you. Seemingly matching the exasperated need to see the other. Then his tenderness. That kiss. The way that even after all this time your heart recognizes him and is familiar to the want you hold for him.

Once upon a time that hope had been enough. It had lasted you. Rendered you compliant with the circumstances out of your control.

Being his friend had been enough, a long time ago.

Until it stopped being so, just more than a year after his mother's funeral.

--

You didn't think you'd be back again in your hometown in time for Christmas holidays. It wasn't something you were especially looking forward to – not only because your parents had asked you again to come pick up some boxes of your old stuff, but also because Sean had asked the same favor.

His first year at university had turned out harsher than predicted and he'd been caught in several exams he needed to repeat. When he heard you'd be back that's when the pleadings came.

"I have a few books and CDs that I never got around to pack and-"

You'd read the words immediately.

"Sure, Sean. I will mail them to you asap."

The year hadn't been hard only because of being away, but because his father had been diagnosed with cancer and was fighting it alone, back home.

At least, that's what you think, when you ring the bell that December late afternoon.

The door opens with Hotch on the other side.

Your breath catches in your throat at the sight of him. He's wearing a pair of black-washed jeans, and a green Christmas sweater, and you still have to get used to his new haircut. He's not skinny – hadn't been since that more than a year ago, but his signature cheekbones are still there. He's as surprised as you are, both staring at one another with confusion etched in your features, and that's when they appear – when he smiles softly, regarding you with unfiltered joy.