Fly With Me (Superbat)

20 - Ring Shopping

   They leave the store, brain storming the perfect proposal.

. . .

     Dick made Jason wait outside. He hesitantly approaches the apartment. Unlocking the door, he is surprised to find the place empty. Kori must be out. He grabs his important stuff, shoving it in a duffel bag. Dick looks around and takes in the apartment one last time. He sits on the couch silently, until Kori walks in. 

    She's smiling at first. But stops when she sees his face. "Have you been ignoring my texts? You never replied when I asked you how the dinner went. Was there a fight?" She sits beside him. When she sees the packed bag, she looks visibly concerned. Dick raises a hand before she can start asking questions. "Kori, this isn't easy for me to admit. Please, let me speak."

    He turns to her and takes her by her hand. "I have wasted the last four years of your life. I've never loved you the way you deserve. Not as a lover or future wife, but as a friend. I only made love to you out of guilt, what I felt was an obligation to make you happy and an attempt force myself to get over... someone. And I really believe you are owed all of this honesty. I don't ever want you to miss me, because I have been an awful selfish person our entire relationship." Kori's eyes widen in shock, tears filling them quickly. 

     "Dick are you.. are you leaving me??" He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. "Yes. I'm so sorry Kori. I just couldn't keep lying to you and to myself. Please don't blame anyone else for my mistakes." Her eyes narrow, tears still streaming down her face, something about the way he said mistakes gives her a sinking feeling in her stomach. "What 'mistakes'? I know there's something you aren't telling me." Her eyes widen when he flinches and rubs his neck. "You didn't...How could you- you cheated!! Didn't you?! You're a fucking superhero, and one of the only people with strong morals that I THOUGHT meant you'd definitely never cheat!" Calming down, afraid of hurting him in her angry state of mind, she takes a shaky deep breath. "Who is it?! I- I just need to know who it is..." 

     Dick sighs. "You remember how fucked up I was about Jason's death when we met? And when he came back, how I acted different for awhile?"

   Puzzled, she nodded. "You alternated between jumpy and happier than I've ever seen. We thought it was a combination of excitement about Jason and general anxiety. And sometimes you vanished, which we thought was Batman calling you away for secret missions." She tilts her head. "What does that have to do with this?" 

     He takes a shaky breath. "When Jason came back we started hooking up." She freezes, utter silence in the apartment. And then the dam burst, everything Dick had kept to himself just poured out, wanting her to know why. Needing to let it out and break the silence. 

    "At first it was just rebelling, probably some misdirected feelings about seeing each other after so long, and straight up lust. The whole thing didn't last long, but we both fell for each other. Around just less than two years I broke it off. We were sneaking round and running off so often that I was sure someone was going to find out. By then the anxiety was so bad I took a month long break from both Batman and the team to get my head straight. I was so afraid Bruce would find out and disown me. After what happened to my family I couldn't bear losing another family. I thought that since he saw us as brothers and his sons, he'd think what we were doing was fucked up. So Jason and I broke up. He tried to get me to forget about Bruce and run away, but I couldn't...  You and I started dating 6 months later. I have always been attracted to you, but I've never felt more than I'd feel for a best friend for you. I tried to suppress my feelings for Jason and I thought that I'd have grown to love you the way I should by now. I have tried so hard to be who I thought Bruce wanted me to be, who you wanted. But last night, Jason and I got to talking about our past. And I couldn't keep up the denial anymore. I've always know it's him I loved. ..... I was going to end things with you soon, for your sake. You deserve to find your true love Kori. But I  slept with Jason last night and I knew that it had to be today that I set you free from the illusion we'd been living in. It's the worst thing I've ever done and I'm so ashamed that I betrayed you like that. I've been so scared of this moment for so long, and I shouldn't have let this go so far. I shouldn't have ever dated you, let alone proposed solely because I knew you wanted it. I shouldn't have cheated on you either. I am so, so sorry." He braces himself. "You can hit me. Beat me. I don't care. Just don't hurt Jason.  I'm the one who did all this and I deserve to be punished." 

    Kori is sobbing and Dick wants to break down too, but knows it wouldn't be fair to act like the victim in front of her. All he could manage was to whisper, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." Over and over. Finally Kori speaks.

    "You love him, and I can't hate you for that." She manages, forcing her tears down and glaring through puffy eyes. " but what you've done to me, lying to me and leading me on and cheating on me?? That's worse than anything any villain has ever done to me. And I do hate you for that. You need to leave." She points her palm at him. Like she wants to shoot a star bolt at him, her body shaking with anger and suppressed sobs. He tries to apologize again and she fires one by his feet. "Just leave Dick. I never want to see you again." She goes to take off her ring and he stops her.

     "Keep it. You can sell it or give it away or keep it. But it's yours. You can keep whatever of our shared belongings you want. And the apartment. And if you move, the deposit thing is all yours. I left the next months rent on the dresser, and the ring you gave me." She punches him in the face. "Fuck off Richard Greyson!! Just fuck off! You can't give back the wasted years or fix my heart with 'generous' gestures like that. Get out of my life! I hate you more than I hate any villain or monster that's ever terrorized this planet." She storms off to the bedroom and slams the door so hard it splinters into pieces. Dick grabs his bag and walks out, head hanging in shame. 

         He meets up with Jason and breaks down outside. Dick's body shakes violently with sobs. Jason looks angry when he sees the fresh bruise on Dick's face, "What the hell?! I'm going to-" Dick shakes his head, and when he sees his face Jason scoops him up into a tight hug. The broken eyes, full of shame and swimming with tears, breaking his heart. Dick buries his face into Jason's jacket.

    "I deserve so much worse than a punch to the face. She had every right to beat me to death then and there. I'm practically a villain, Jay. You should've seen how destroyed she was. I am an awful person for what I did to her." 

     Jason tilts Dicks face so he looks up at him again, "Dick. It was indeed fucked up, and partially my fault for being your affair partner. But she'll get through this. She'll find some hot super dude and be so happy she'll forget she ever met you one day. And I'm sure you'll make up for what you did. This one horrible, huge stain on your conscience is nothing compared to all the good you do against the villains you face. You've devoted your life, even your civilian life, to fighting crime. And that has to count for something. In a life of good, one bad event doesn't make you as bad as the Joker. Not making reparations and not having remorse makes you as bad as the Joker. And even though she'll probably never want to see you again you can make reparations, and you are showing remorse. So you aren't a villain. You're just a flawed human who hurt someone who trusted you. And everyone has hurt someone. Maybe not as bad as you did, but everyone has done something wrong in their life. Hell, I tried to kill Bruce."

     "I hope you're right, Jay." Dick tries to focus on somehow making reparations to Kori. Sending her money and making donations to her favorite charities in her name maybe? Something that can be done anonymously and without subjecting her to seeing him again. 

     He squeezes the ring box in his pocket that he pulled out of his hiding spot in the apartment. A 4 year old ring he'd bought while drunk. A ring in a man's size. 

    Dick closes his eyes and hopes more than he's ever hoped that he can make Jason happy and make up even a fraction of his fuck ups to Kori.