𝗘𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗹

ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ 19

This is true for all narcissists, they salivate the sign of a vunerable target, be it mental, emotional or physical vulnerability. They are spineless bullies. They are insecure, jealous, inadequate, attention seeking little brats trapped in a body of an adult.

Controllers, abusers and manipulative people don't question themselves. They don't ask themselves if the problem is them. They always say the problem is someone else, the victim.

I kept on surviving with bullets on my chest never letting anything get on my way, fighting not by choice but by ought. But what happens when this warrior is tired of fighting?

How can someone be filled with happiness one moment and then the other be just empty?

Sometimes I wonder where it all goes.

When I look in the mirror all I see is a broken soul. Someone who has been through so much and now is tired. Her soul is tired. Tired of keep fighting to survive, it's a cycle, when you think it's okay, that you'll be okay, this hope is broken.

I wish I could go back to being the seven years old girl who used to run around her parents house. They didn't share the same blood as her but were the closest definition of parents she had ever known.

She would run around her house's backyard with her daddy and mommy. She would cuddle with them as they watched a movie on the couch. She would look at her dad every time he brought a rose to her mother with so much adoration, hoping one day maybe someone would do the same to her.

But then one day, she had turned eight years old, and suddenly her parents weren't there anymore. She had to attend their funeral. She didn't understand what was happening. Tears ran down her cheeks as she looked around trying to find her mommy.

She wanted her mommy to give her a hug and take her home. She wanted her daddy to come back home and watch TV with her. She wanted to sit in the dinner table on a Friday night, and wait for her daddy to give her mommy the rose he always gifted her every Friday night.

To see the smile that spread on her face every time. And after that they would kiss. Most marriages end up with divorce, but their marriage was full of love. Love for each other and their daughter.

But the thing is, they never came back.

So the girl was left in multiple foster homes with people that didn't care about her.

Then she met her first and only best friend. He was her soulmate, they understood each other perfectly. But he had to leave. She watched as his car drove away. She watched him leave with tears in her eyes.

When she thought she was tired enough, tired of living, she met someone. She met the boy that would soon break her heart in tiny little pieces, break it beyond repair.

She fell in love too fast for her own good. But she couldn't control it. The way he made her smile and laugh. He made her cry, but he also brought her back to life, even though it was just for a few months.

The girl that is now standing in the edge of a bridge, looking down as the moonlight travelled through the night with graceful easy, lightning the river bellow. The comforting beauty to the graphite night, that would be her last memory.

The especial moments on her life playing on her mind like an endless movie. Tears on her eyes, her lips trembling and her hands shaking.

She thought, that would be it, the end of her story.

A calming smile on her lips. She felt relief, she felt free. She would be no longer tired. She would join her parents.

The girl standing on the edge of a bridge looked peaceful, after all, that was all she wanted, right?

But no matter how tired she is, she is a coward. Because no matter how many times the voice in her head repeats for her to jump, she doesn't.

She just turns around and start to make her way to her personal hell hoping that tomorrow will be a better day.

That maybe tomorrow won't be like every other day. And maybe she'll find a reason to stay.

But as always, it didn't change.

flashback over

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Love y'all <3

XOXO