Too Far Apart

9. A Moment

"Are you going to meet a pretty maiden today?" much to his damage, Wei Wuxian, the only person he didn't want to notice, noticed.

For once, Jiang Cheng chooses to ignore him, pull his lapels up.

"Relax. This your first conference, no one expects you to be perfect. Besides, look at what you have accomplished in such a short time. No one dare say anything."

"I thank heaven for sending me a dense brother." He spoke into the sky as they reached Jin manor. How can he be perspective and still be dense? Jiang Cheng breathed in relief. It lasts a mere moment as he saw Lan Wangji and Lan Xichen land a little ahead with a few of their disciples.

Instinctively, he looked beside him to see Wei Wuxian perk up and then dim away. He turns back to look at the exceptionally straight back and blue robes.

Jiang Cheng had been keeping himself busy with sect duties and it had helped in removing a certain person from his mind but it was as if all that had been for nothing. His heart jumped in his throat as the person started to turn around.

"Ge." Meng Yao called. Jiang Cheng's felt pain shoot through him as he looked away.

"If you keep scowling, it will become permanent. Even your robes can't help you look good, then." Wei Wuxian commented beside him. He didn't have the patience for it today

"My scowl will vanish as soon as you do." he marched ahead, eyes carefully trained for his next step.

-------

Lan Xichen knew that he had always acted complacent, all his life and he had never regretted it more than he did today. When you are a certain way all your life, changing suddenly is very hard. Every decision he ever made seems to be coming back to him.

He feels disgusted with his associations to the Jin as he can only watch as the Wei Wuxian take their drinks and stand up for the innocent. He can only watch sect Leader Jiang struggles. He remembers his words a few moments ago.

"You have taken Jiang Sect to a remarkable height."

"You flatter me. I am still young and will look to you for guidance." Jiang Cheng had replied. He had grown much more handsome every day. The soft expression as he smiled made his heart drop but in the end, he could only watch.

The man that looked like a prince in his regal countenance turned his neck up in pride and became better every day while he became worse. Something in his chest tells him to look away but his eyes refuse to move as he watches Jiang Cheng struggle under the weight of Jin Guangshan's proposal of marriage renewal. He can only watch as he stands up to bow respectfully and tell him that the matter needs his sister's approval.

He can only feel pride for a single moment for the one right choice he made in his life to choose this person. But what good was it when he couldn't be worthy of him?

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Time passes quickly when one keeps themselves busy, constant work to the point where your eyes begin to shudder, revolting to stay open. You pry the lashes apart every time you blink with an effort that would have been better put to use in sleeping. But you don't want to sleep, you see the faces of the dead and the mistakes you have made.

The endless nightmares never go away. It never gets easy. There is no one to rely on but yourself. Your brother believes in you to be strong, your sister believes in you to be strong, you have no choice but to be strong. The days are less hard by surrounding oneself constantly, the nighter harder when there is no action but paperwork to keep you company. It is good to over exhaust oneself, the sleep that comes after is equivalent to losing consciousness. Those are mostly peaceful.