My Summer of Firsts

Chapter 26 - Just Breathe

I leaned forward and kissed him. "I trust you."

"Are you sure?" He seemed like he was trying to talk me out of it.

"Look, if you don't want to, I'm fine doing what we've been doing. More than fine. It's been amazing."

"If this is what you want, I'm definitely up for it." His hand cupped my face; he stroked my earlobe. "But you have to tell me if you get uncomfortable, or you don't like it, or if it hurts too much. Don't suffer in silence to please me."

"Okay."

"Just remember to breathe. And relax."

I nodded.

Elian kissed my lips for a few minutes. He kissed my shoulder, then he kissed a trail down my back. He dug his hands into my muscles along the way, giving me a massage that sent tingles up and down my spine and across my scalp.

After some initial pressure and discomfort, Elian pressed against my back and brought his lips close to my ear. His breath was soft and warm against my cheek. He whispered, "Just breathe, Steven."

That's when I realized I'd been holding my breath. I released the air from my lungs and took a deep breath, gripping the sheets in my fists.

With that revelation, it got easier. It was never quite like I imagined it. I never got to the point where I lost myself in the feeling the way I thought I would, but I definitely found pleasure the more I got used to it.

Elian was sweet, just like with everything else we'd done, checking in to make sure I was alright the whole time.

And I found enjoyment in little things that didn't happen when our roles were reversed. I liked the way his hands held firm against my chest. The way he pressed his body against my back. The small kisses he placed between my shoulder blades and along my neck. I mostly enjoyed the fact that he seemed to enjoy it so much.

Afterwards, as we laid in bed, both of us sweaty and out of breath, he rolled over to face me, brushing his fingertips lightly across my face.

I stared up at the ceiling, briefly distracted by the fact that it was covered in hardwood, like a floor. I'd never really noticed that before. Was that new? It must've cost them a fortune.

"Steven?" His voice was so soft. It pulled me from my contemplation back to him.

I turned my eyes to meet his. "Huh?"

"Are you okay?" He laid his hand on my chest, over my pounding heart. "You seem kinda spacey."

"I'm fine."

"Talk to me." His hand drifted across my skin to trace the line of my collarbone.

I took a deep breath and rolled toward him, propping my head on my arm. "I'm fine. I promise."

"I know it can be weird the first time."

"I don't feel weird." I smiled to reassure him.

"Did you like it?"

"Sometimes. Most of the time. Not so much in the beginning."

"I tried to tell you—"

I pushed forward to kiss him, stopping him short. When I broke away, he gave a small smile that didn't seem genuine.

"I think if I did it again, I might like it more. Now that I understand better. Knowing how it works is one thing, but experiencing it was a whole other deal."

"Okay." He sounded so unsure.

I wanted to make him feel better. It seemed like he was worried, but I didn't know how to tell him what was making me feel this unreal floaty-ness without telling him how I actually felt about him.