His Rose. // Blaise Zabini

overdose.

*TRIGGER WARNING - DRUGS, SELF HARM, BLOOD*

***

Rose Malfoy

Three weeks since Blaise left.

Today was the one time that I was going to go to classes. I was going to go to Transfiguration but I needed to get a book first. I knew that that would make the chances of me seeing Blaise higher, and I wasn't high so I wouldn't be okay.

I had been saving drugs for more serious times. I hadn't had a line yet today, which was good for me.

I had walked into the library and the place where my book was, was right next to his little space.

I was going to break.

I walked closer, hoping to ignore him, but I couldn't.

Blaise sat there like he always did, his hand running down the page of the book as he read it. I took my chance and walked over to him as fast as I could, trying to not let the tears fall as they built up every time I saw him.

Even though I told myself to ignore him, I needed to know.

"Blaise," I said and he looked up, no expression on his face and all his love for me gone.

I needed to know what I had done; why he left so suddenly. Was I not enough?

"What did I do? Why is this ending?" I choked out, my tears starting to fall as I stood there, waiting for him to answer.

He looked away and closed his book, putting it in his bag and then standing up and facing me. His expression was blank as his mouth opened and the words I didn't want him to say came out.

"Because I don't love you, I love her" and he stepped away, not looking back at me. Those were the same words my father told my mother.

My mouth gaped, silent sobs coming out as I stood there, hoping and wishing that he'd come back and tell me it was all a joke; tell me that he didn't mean any of this.

Right then and there, my heart shattered and I died on the inside. It felt like every nerve in my body had gone dry of electricity and it felt like my heart had stopped pumping my blood.

Blaise was gone.

Blaise didn't love me.

Blaise wasn't mine anymore.

I took off as fast as I could and ran back to my dorm, passing all of my friends and my brother. I heard them yelling for them as I cried and ran, but I didn't look at them. I didn't stop and talk to them. I needed to get back to my dorm.

I threw the door open and casted a charm that wouldn't allow anyone to get in. I went over to my nightstand and opened it, scrambling for my little baggy. I needed a fix right now.

Once I had found it, I lined it up on my textbook and snorted the white line that looked almost like sugar or even salt. But it was smoother than those.

A second line.

Third.

Maybe four now, I didn't know.

Fifth.

I felt the drug ease through my body as I leaned against the wall and slid down it.

The way I felt now was how I felt every time Blaise had kissed me, touched me, spoke to me, made love to me. It wasn't even loving, though. He never felt that way about me; the way I felt about him.

That's the sad thing about addictions. You don't even try to get hooked; it just happens.

I didn't mean to fall in love with Blaise, but it happened and now I wished it hadn't. I was so broken I didn't want to breathe anymore.

"Do it."

A voice whispered as I looked at the little black pocket knife on the corner of my nightstand. The one that Blaise had used many times. The one he used to mark me his. The one I used to mark him mine.

"Carve off his initials. You're not his anymore. He doesn't love you."

The voice spoke once more and I stood up, crying as I did so, the cocaine still racing through my body and trying to overtake me and my thoughts.

Or maybe it was overtaking my thoughts now. The Rose I used to be wouldn't do this. Or maybe she would.

I picked up the knife and flipped it open, sobbing as I did so.

I heard banging and yelling on the door. There was no silencing charm and they could hear it all... all of my crying. Pansy, Scarlett, my brother. Even Blaise and Susan could hear it... her dorm is next to mine, after all.

I rolled the waist of my sweatpants down where I could see the white and bumped scar that wrote 'B.Z.'. I took the knife and connected it with my skin, screaming as I went deeper into my hip and skinning my skin as a hunter would to its deer. I needed his marks gone.

"Rose you need to open this door!!" Draco cried as the banging continued.

I slowed down the skinning, embracing the pain I was getting from this. Is this what Blaise meant when he said cutting took away the pain of his memories?

I shook my head, still crying. "I can't. It needs to be gone. He needs to be gone. AH!"

I was almost done. So close. It hurt like hell but I didn't want to stop.

Almost there and the door flew off its hinges and I locked eyes with Draco and saw how wet his own eyes were; filled with tears as they spilled over at the sight of me.

He ran over to me, Pansy and Scarlett following, and I collapsed. I dropped the knife and sobbed as the drug still ran through my body and as my hip bled.

I cried and tugged at Draco's shirt, the blood trickling down and soaking my sweatpants. I couldn't say anything.

Draco had looked so broken seeing me. The way that I had been hurt and the way that that sight hurt him... I felt terrible about it. I knew that he thought he was going to lose me. After all, what I was doing didn't look too good. He didn't deserve that. He didn't deserve to see me like this.

My brother was a pure soul and helped me through so much and here I am, on the floor, bleeding and crying; wishing that this pain could go away.

My head hurt and so did my hip. My heart was the one that was hurt the most though. And it was devastating to think that at the beginning of the year, I didn't think I'd be here.

My body was shaking and my eyes felt heavy. I looked to Draco as he cried and picked me up, Scarlett and Pansy ran out of the room and started to yell at everyone.

Just for a second, I saw Blaise look at me with worry all over his face and he jumped up from the couch in the common room. But so did Susan, grabbing his face and muttering. I could've sworn I saw her wand at her side.

It then went black.