Sam Golbach - Overthinking.

Chapter; 15

Sam's POV; first person.

Is it bad that I don't want to care anymore? All that pain and frustration, could be gone if I made one simple choice, to leave him and never look back, we have something but, no matter what I've sacrificed more of myself for him then he has for me, no matter what I'll love him more then he loves me and it's the end of the story, I wanted to be with him but he couldn't think of the right words to tell me he didn't want to be with me back.

It's sad when you come to think of it, you Kill yourself over and over for someone who probably hasn't thought about you for a whole day, they can go on with their life through peace, but yet, your still stuck thinking the same things over and over, if they know what overthinking is like, and they can understand what it's like to be in my place, why do they still blame me for my uncontrollable thoughts and actions? No matter what I stuck by Colby's side through thick and thin, I watched them love other people which hurt at times, but I had to stomach it since it wasn't my life, I guess I tired too hard because in the end, I knew I was never going to be that special person in his life.

We always talk about how we'd meet up somewhere random, the woods, a dam, the beach, with a bottle of alcohol, get completely off our heads, laying on the ground staring up at the stars while we never forget what it's like to hold each other, to feel each other, to kiss one another.

I was in that place when he asked me to go up with him to his job interview, stay with him, I was considering it after maybe I got my life together, but, after the way he treated me, why would I? The blatant ignores, day after day, he wouldn't even have the stomach to say he loved me until I'd stop talking to him, it was like that saying, 'you don't know how much you love something until it's gone.'

I spent the whole night in my room, crying my eyes out because I didn't know what to think, knowing that if I stopped talking to him completely, he'd end up with someone else, but just, maybe that was a sacrifice I had to make, I had to let him go because he let me go, the very first day he wouldn't talk to me for hours, that's when he let me go.

After these few days, I've been starting my own diagnosis on myself, my actions add up to bipolar disorder, but, if I go to the doctors or even tell my friends about it, I know they'll just discard what I say, or blame it on depression or adhd, but I know it's more mental, I know deep down that my actions from the last few days have lead up to something psychological.

I had shorts on, for one reason and one reason only, I had cut my legs again, promising myself I wouldn't let the pain get to me, I wouldn't ruin my legs for the sake of not feeling loved, for crying too much, but I did it, I carved mine and Colby's initials, a heart in the middle separating our initials, but the heart was crossed out, I did that to help, knowing that I had to realize that Colby wasn't going to change, maybe he never loved me at all, or maybe he relates me to one of his ex's, maybe it's just me that wasn't to spend the rest of my life with him.

I need him to say more then I love you, I needed him to tell me what I meant to him, what he wanted to do with me, I just wanted him to convince my mind that there is something between us, I wanted to be with him, because as long as I'm alive-

me and him can't just be friends.