My Summer of Firsts

Chapter 24 - The Significance of Mario Kart

"Okay, fine." I said. "I'm not giving a play-by-play, but I will say that despite my enjoyment of the position I took, I'd be interested in trying the other side of the coin."

Derek nodded. He had a faraway look in his eyes. Suddenly, he blurted, "I had sex with a dude."

"What?" I exclaimed. That came out of nowhere. "When?"

He pulled on a thread that hung loose from his pillow. "About a month ago."

"What happened? What made you do that?"

He shrugged. "I dunno. He was at one of the band's gigs. After the show, he came up and started telling me how awesome we were and how hot I looked up there."

"I'm sure you ate that up."

"Of course." He put on a smile, but it didn't seem sincere.

"What was he like?"

"He was nice. Very slim and kinda feminine. I just kept thinking how pretty he was. Then he put his hand on mine. And I just went for it. I kissed him right there in the bar. One thing led to another. We ended up back at my place. And we slept together."

"Really?"

"Yeah." he said. "I mean, I was definitely the top, but I did the other stuff, and I think I liked it." He paused and sighed. "I know I liked it."

"But you never thought about guys like that before." I was trying to reconcile this with the boy I knew growing up. He'd always been very vocally straight.

Derek bobbed his head side-to-side. "I mean, I did sorta think about it a couple times."

"With who?" I asked.

I tried to think back to our school days and all the boys I had crushes on. Danny Diaz with his dark eyes and tan skin out on the football field, running around shirtless. Drool-worthy.

Gorgeous Marshall Richmond and his swoopy blond hair and that adorable grin that made my heart melt.

Isaac Brown, who was very touchy-feely and would lay his hands on my arms or my shoulders, and he hugged me—like he hugged everyone—after I had a good round in our debate team meets. I used to think he was so adorable in his thick black glasses, with that small gap in his front teeth.

"With, y'know... you." he said. I did not expect that. "I sorta used to think about asking you to try stuff. I even dreamed about you a couple times."

My mouth fell open. I didn't know how to respond to that. I was just confused. "Why didn't you ever say anything?"

"I thought I was just being horny." Derek tossed his pillow aside and got up to pace the floor. "Because then Karen Capelli offered, and I obviously agreed. While I was dating her, I stopped having those thoughts. I figured I just wanted sex and my brain picked you because you were always there, and I knew you were gay. It seemed reasonable."

I narrowed my eyes. "Are you saying that you want to have sex with me?"

Thinking back, he did once ask if I wanted to kiss him, "if you want to get your first kiss out of the way, so it's not such a big deal," he said at the time. I laughed it off, assumed he was joking.

I felt kind of stupid and a little bit mean. Was that his way of reaching out? Had I pushed him further into the closet?

"No. Gross! You're like my brother." Derek grimaced and scoffed. "I'm saying my mind picked you because you were the obvious choice, dumbass."

"Good." I loved Derek, but not in that way. Like he said, we were practically brothers. We'd grown up together. I never thought of him that way, and I didn't think I ever could. "So, do you think you're bisexual?"

I didn't know much about the alphabet soup community that I belonged to, but I knew there were other identifiers for people attracted to a multitude of genders, or the lack thereof. I just could never remember which was which.

Derek shrugged. "That's kinda why I really came home. I mean, the stuff about my mom, and school, and the band was real, but I wanted to talk this out with someone. Somebody I trust. And I trust you more than anyone."

"Have you thought about the guy you were with since it happened?"

"Sometimes." Derek moved to sit on the edge of the bed. "But it's not the things that I think about when I think about women. Like he was effeminate, but he had a guy's body. No curves, no boobs, just flat and thin. Although he had a great butt, which I guess is a plus for guys or girls."

"I certainly appreciate it." I joked.

Derek laughed and shoved me.

I almost fell off the bed, but I caught myself and straightened up. "You know, I think maybe being bi you wouldn't have to like the same things about guys and girls. You could, I guess, but I don't think it's a requirement. But what do I know? I'm all about the menfolk."

Derek met my eyes for the first time in a while. "How do I know it wasn't just this one guy? Maybe all that stuff when I was young really was just horniness."

"I guess you don't know until you try again. With him, or with someone else."

He cracked a smile. "Are you offering?"

"No, jackass." I snatched the pillow he'd been holding earlier and smacked him across the back of the head with it. "I have a boyfriend who I happen to love."

Derek perked up. "Wait. Hold the fuck up. You love that dude?" His lips stretched into a huge grin.

"I..." I didn't mean to say that out loud. "Maybe."

"Does he know?"

I shook my head. "I feel like I should be sure about it before I tell him."

Derek grabbed my hand. That wasn't something he'd usually do, but he seemed to be in a more vulnerable mood after our talk. "I'm happy for you, buddy."

I put my hand on top of his and nodded. "And I'm here for you if you ever need to talk or anything."

Derek actually hugged me, and not in the way he used to when he was trying to fake me out, to put me in a chokehold. Or the typical bro-y way. A real honest embrace. It was nice. Guys should be able to have platonic hugs more often without it meaning anything more than friendship.

When he pulled away, he slugged my shoulder.

I laughed and asked, "Wanna play Mario Kart?"

I didn't know if he remembered the significance of that question, but it didn't matter. It made him smile, and he agreed.