Start Again

One More

Your breath caught in your throat as his tone evened out. Your heart had stopped beating momentarily as you watched and waited for the goofy smile wash over his face. It never came.

"Wha- what?" You stuttered trying to figure out what the fuck he was talking about.

"You should go." He paused for a moment trying to read his emotion. His hand flew up and instinctively you flinched not knowing what to expect. He grabbed your hand and pulled your body closer to his bed. Your eyes scanned his face and you noticed his gaze was off-center. You lifted your sunken eyes to his and followed this line of sight behind you. His hand was holding yours to his chest as he ran small circles over the back of your hand. Banner stood in the doorway looking sympathetic at both of you. His head hung in a half-hearted attempt to keep you calm.

"James I-"

"Bruce-" You tried to interrupt knowing nothing good was going to come from this.

"James, I know I failed, I let that code run through-"

"Banner I swear I will get out of this bed and kick your ass."

"James!" You turned around looking back at your soldier knowing he couldn't. He was talking shit, but you also knew the stubborn asshole would go to any length to prove a point, and the last thing you wanted to do was wait around while he went back into surgery.

"It's okay, there's no need for that." Banner interrupted trying to calm down the both of you.

"I could have killed her!" Bucky's voice rose as he looked over at you. Your body shivered as you let the memory wash over you. "It would have been your fault, I could hav-" he cut himself off when the emotion in his voice rose causing the words to shake as they fell out. 

"None of this matters anymore." You whispered almost surprised by your own words. You let them sink in as they floated through the room. You felt a bit more conviction and started again louder this time. "None of this matters anymore." You turned your head to Bucky expecting to see love and adoration on his face but all he offered you was anger. He didn't share your sentiment.

"It fucking matters, ask those fucking bruises on your neck or," He stumbled for a moment on his words. "-or the images of you blacking out as I squeeze the consciousness out of you, that I can't get out of my head that it doesn't fucking matter."He looked back over to Bruce, and you watched the life leave his eyes as he spoke again. "She's still scared of me." Your heart softened looking again at a broken piece of Bucky, a part of himself he wanted so desperately to change. "You think I like being used to hurt the people I care about? Or the battle that happens when he takes over?"

"I didn't mean to upset anyone," Bruce was using his soft voice feeling a bit reluctant with his words. His hands moving to try and calm the air around him. "I thought,-" you saw him stop for a minute while he thought over the right words to use. "-you came to my house, man, I didn't think my presence would upset you so much." Bucky looked up at him recalling their last interaction, he had been more civil but that was before he was turned before he was taken and forced again to do those things he no longer wanted before he'd made a second attempt on your life.

"You made me different promises then, I was safe then." He took in a breath knowing what he meant. Your body shook with the realization that you had been the conflict that rose Bucky to his anger. You walked across the room to comfort him to calm him down. You didn't think he was really even mad at Bruce, he was just looking for someone to take this out on, trying to find someone besides him, or you, to carry the burden. He really was done, with all of this.

"Bucky I get wanting to keep the other guy off your back, I just thought maybe I could offer some-"

"It's not the same Bruce, and you know it."