Start Again

Step 17

"James."

He felt the blood rush back into his brain followed by his consciousness. Heavy air filled his lungs as he watched your face turn purple in his hand. He immediately connected the source of your unconsciousness to his arm and felt his knees buckle. He swiftly tried to support your weight but his body was in shock and yours was falling too fast. He managed to cushion your head but ultimately you both landed on the ground. His body beneath yours as he cradled your unconscious face in his hands. Rocking back and forth in shock at his actions he watched some color return to your face. Taking in his surroundings he noticed the other agent unconscious against the wall. He began to feel the panic rising in his chest. He lifted your body against his and stood walking to the closed door. With a good yank of his arm, the door fell off the wall and falling to his side. He let it clank hard against the floor as he moved through the hill running to the med bay.

"I need help, her windpipe I don't know it might be crushed. Her chin looks-"

"Agent Barnes put her down, you need to sit. We will take care of her but you need to be checked out too, you were dormant for 13 days you don't want to over-exert yourself."

"I'm fine, fucking help her!" He yelled at the nurse. She jumped back at his anger clearly scared of the super-soldier, his face fell when he recognized her fear. "I'm- look I'm sorry, please just help her." She ignored his apology yelling over to the med desk.

"Page Klien and Banner" The receptionist nodded at the nurse and turned to her phone. Bucky's head was going a little fuzzy, he watched them wheel your bed back into the emergency ward feeling his invisible pull to you grow tighter the further away you got. He suddenly remembered his other victim.

"There's another agent, in the holding cell." His eyes swooped around causing his vision to become unsteady in his mind. His feet began to stumble as he caught himself on the bed that the medical staff was fighting him to get on since he arrived. "Make sure they're okay."

"Buck. Can you hear me buddy?" Bucky felt a light hand against his arm shaking his body gently. "That's it man, open your eyes." He looked up to see a Hulkless Banner standing over him. He moved slightly letting the pain of a headache wash over him.

"Hey, Bruce." Bucky rasped out letting his sense of reality sink in.

"You scared us there for a minute man. Thought you were gone again."

"What the hell happened, man?"

"You and Sam were out and Madame Hydra said the magic words."

"How did she.."

"Seems like Zemo still thinks you're a threat over the Natural."

"Doll?"

"She's okay, her throat will be soar and she will probably be in a bit of pain so we gave her some sedative to help her sleep. Her brain scans are fine, which shows us that she was still able to get some oxygen to her brain before you woke up."

"I thought this was gone, Bruce? I thought you had taken it out of me, that Wakanda had taken this out of me."

"This is something deep in the mind, Bucky. The human brain is a complicated thing. We thought we had gotten you to a place where you could control it yourself, which is why we took you off the ice."

"T'challa took me off the ice." He snarled back.

"Right, and we thought the other guy was gone. The Winter Soldier was supposed to be no more. Trust me I know what it's like to have to hide from who you become."

"Okay, so what the fuck was that man? I could have killed someone, I could have killed..." His mind flashed to you. The laceration he'd caused on your chin before trying to squeeze the life out of you. There was no amount of words to describe the overwhelming amount of guilt he felt. He had hurt you, he was going to kill you. The realization that Banner was wrong washed over him. The Winter Soldier was supposed to be no more but that simply wasn't the case. No amount of meditation would rid Bucky of that dark man that lurked in the back of his mind. He closed his eyes letting his inner thoughts run their course as he weighed his options. He knew what he had to do but he was scared that he was too selfish to follow through with it. There was no way he was going to ever allow any part of himself to hurt you ever again.