Start Again

Almost There

Listening to Buck writhe in pain wasnt convincing you that his bullet felt like much more than a stupid scratch. You kept his head propped up on your lap as Sam tied a tight tourniquet from the first aid kit above the wound on his leg, trying to slow the bleeding. Nat had been working on dislodging the bullet when Sam encouraged her into the cockpit. He was never a pilot for anything but his wings, but with his combat training, he knew how to deal with the basics of a gunshot wound. It really was such a juxtaposition to see yourselves around the avengers. You seemed helpless out here where every misstep they made was handled with grace as if it had always been a part of their stride. You pushed the short hair on the edge of Buck's sweating forehead out of the way trying your best to soothe him in any way you can. Madame fuck face had been practically zip-tied to the inside of the quinjet with some very heavy-duty-looking metal chains and probably an excessive amount of binding.

"Shh, I got you baby." You cooed helplessly into his ear letting the tips of your fingers trace the glistening sweat on his forehead. You had nothing at all but your tortuously hurt boyfriend in your lap but you were trying to do at least the bare minimum. You couldn't look at Sam, the way his gloved fingers kept going into James' leg and coming out covered in more and more blood. Bucky was trying not to scream or holler as to not scare you which you knew, and it just made you feel worse. You tried to ignore it as best you could until you couldn't anymore. Sam had lifted a bottle of rubbing alcohol and haphazardly poured it over a pair of forceps he'd pulled from the bag. He didn't wait for them to dry or even finish letting them drip when he plunged them into the hole in Bucky's thigh.  Buckys metal arm reached down and grabbed the side of the bench seat he was on and his grip went so strong he'd left a handprint in it like it was wet cement.  "Baby, if you need to scream you scream." He tried giving you a small apologetic grin but you rolled your eyes when it turned into a scream, Sam had apparently thought he had a hold on the bullet with those forceps, turns out he'd clamped down on a bit of Bucky's flesh. You hadn't left Bucky's side until arriving back on the hill, you'd been encouraged by Dr. Klien that they had everything under control. Bucky was going to have to go under for the removal, with his strength and the way he was wiggling it was making it impossible to get the bullet out, plus there was no need for him to be in pain, even if it was tolerable.

You made your way back to Bucky's place, you'd let your emotions get the worst of you over the last few weeks. Both apartments had been neglected and abused. You hadn't spent much time here other than to change and make your way back to where they were holding your soldier so the place was disheveled.  The dishes in his room piled as did the laundry. Pillowcases were stale and stained with layers of tears, the blanket still smelt like the concrete floor you'd found yourself sleeping on. You started stripping the linens letting them pile on the floor as you turned the mattress, it was probably pointless but it was keeping you busy enough to keep from worrying about him. You stuffed the clothes in the basket along with the sheets wheeling them down to the laundry room. You decided to use your soap so that when Bucky was ready to come home maybe he could take the comfort in your scent the way you'd taken comfort in his. You filled 5 machines by the time you'd gathered everything from both rooms. Blankets, towels, sheets, hoodies and practically every t-shirt Bucky had owned. You started washing the dishes that overfilled the small single sink in the basic kitchen area, having to dry them as you cleaned them since the surfaces were just filled with more dirty dishes. You rolled your eyes at how careless you had been. You'd spent so long feeling sorry for yourself, trying to stay on top of taking care of him you had completely forgotten how to care or yourself. You were vacuuming the rug of the dust bunnies letting your mind wander back to the interaction at the diner. Veronica tried to kill him just because she could. You wanted to feel like these things would change now that she was locked up but just like Bucky said, they'll never stop. As long as that serum was running through his veins he was going to be a target or an asset. Looking around the small apartment, the home you'd made with him in the short period of time you'd known and loved him there was little else in the world that really truly mattered.