Subject 0: The mistake

The Confrontation

!¡WARNING¡! This chapter gets a little dark towards the end, reader discretion is advised.

I always hated how you made me feel, so why do I still miss you after all this time?

"Are you just going to stand there or will you come in?" Newt's unusually cold voice called.
Swallowing the lump that was beginning to form on my neck I slowly pushed the door open and stepped inside. Newt was sitting on a chair, his crutches leaning against the wall near him, staring right at the door, right at me.
"Why are you out of bed?" I asked timidly, fully stepping inside the room and closing the door behind me.
"Why are you out of your mind?" He asked with an empty face and a chilly tone.
"I'm not out of my mind." I scoffed crossing my arms in front of my chest.
"Oh are you not? Could have fooled me! So what happened then? Huh Luna? Where have you been?! Were they busy at the kitchen?! Run out of food for a whole bloody day?" He was angry at me, yelling at the top of his voice. "Or did you just get bored of me? Sitting around, waiting for the broken guy to feel better? I don't need a bloody nurse anymore, I dont need you, so you can stop feeling sorry for me and just leave.me.alone." He all but spat at me, eyes wild.
"What's wrong with you?! Who do you think you are?!" I screamed right back, feeling fed up with his attitude.
"What's wrong with me?! EVERYTHING! BLOODY EVERYTHING!" He was breathing hard at this point, hyperventilating like a caged animal. "My head hurts, I haven't properly slept in days and this shitty leg is reminding me just how useless I really am..." His voice lowered to a whimper at the end, making me drop my stern attitude, my anger diminishing, but not fading completely.
"That doesn't give you the right to treat me like this..." My voice, my stance, everything about me was cold.
He deserves it, he is being unfair, I won't just stand and listen to him scolding me like a child.
He looked at me, like he was going to answer, in order to continue our shouting match or to end it, I'll never know...
The door burst open, revealing a vivid looking Alby. Following behind him were Clint and Jeff, both quite disoriented and obviously sleepy. All three in their night clothes.
"What the heck do you shanks even think you're doing?!?" Alby wasted zero time in getting in fornt of me, grabbing my shoulders and shaking me, like he was trying to wake me up.
Letting me go and without missing a beat, he turned his attention to Newt.
"Why are you shouting in the middle of the night, like a suck Griever snuck into your bed?!?" Stepping in front of him, Alby gave the blond the same lovely treatment.
"Wow wow no manhandling the patient!" Clint said and slightly pushed Alby away from Newt.
Newt's cold gaze went to Clint now, like something had snapped inside him, something wild.
"If you call me a patient one more time I will throw myself of the bloody Cliff, and I'm pretty sure you know how serious the suicidal guy is..." He all but hissed.
Clint took a surprised step back, clearly hurt. I can't imagine what he felt like, Newt was his friend way longer then he was mine after all. Jeff stepped protectively in front of Clint, the pacifist, happy go lucky guy I've come to love now suddenly fuming.
"Hey! Dude what the hell? Don't talk to him like that, he is doing everything to help you!"
"That's what you all don't get! I DON'T WANT YOUR HELP! I DON'T WANT ANYONE'S HELP! YOU SHOULD HAVE JUST LET ME FUCKING DIE!"
Newt sat up from his chair. He stepped on his bad leg and let out a pained groan, but he still kept it firmly on the ground, the look of anger on his face mixing with pain.
There was silence between the four of us for a minute, two minutes, maybe more, the imaginary clock in my head going agonisingly slow, the uncomfortable silence building up in my throat and making me almost choke.
"Go to bed you idiot..." Alby sighed rubbing a tired hand across his face.
With that, Newt turned his back to us and went towards the bathroom, the way he slammed the door further exposing his emotional state.
I went towards the chair, thinking I should stay with him for the night, maybe try to talk to him, understand him, when Alby's hand grabbed my arm making me stop in my tracks.
"He doesn't want you here right now Luna, he doesn't want anyone..." Clint told me, a sad look in his eyes.
"Haven't you already done enough damage?" Alby said, looking me straight in the eyes with a look of disappointment.
'Why can't you be more like your brother, girl? Haven't you already done enough damage?'
A sock went through me as a sickening, female voice rung inside my mind. The world around me started spinning, black spots dancing at the corners of my vision.
"Luna, what's wrong?" Jeff's face come into my vision, blurry and concerned.
'Why did he have to die for you?!? I wish you were never born...' Another shriek hit me making me feel sick.
"Please stop..." I mumbled, though I don't know who I was talking to.
I was aware of my concerned friends. At some point Newt came out of the bathroom, acknowledging my freaking out, with genuine concern.
"Luna? What's wrong?" His voice was actually soft this time.
I miss him.
'Why can't you just die?'
A final whisper echoed and my vision cleared completely, focusing on the blond that was holding me from the shoulders. My head was still throbbing though, my thoughts unfocused and mixed.
"Luna say something!" He shook me slightly.
"I'm sorry..." My voice came out weak as I blinked back unshed tears, created by trauma I couldn't even remember.
The four guys in the room were looking at me with concern.
"I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to..." I said once more "You believe me right? You know I didn't mean to?" I stepped away from Newt and looked at all of them.
"You didn't mean what Greenie?" Alby asked hesitantly.
And then I was back in the Glade. Confusion washed over me.
What the heck was that?
"I-I have no idea..." I whispered, wrapping my arms proactively around myself.
All of them were looking at me, I can't even begin to imagine what was going on inside their heads
"Oookay... I don't know about you guys but for me that's just about enough crazy for one night." Jeff said hesitantly.
Clint elbowed him slightly.
"What Jeff here means, is that we are all clearly tired so we should just get some sleep and come back to this tomorrow? Yeah? Sound good to everyone?" Clint's voice remained calm, but his eyes betrayed his concern.
All of us nodded, Newt hopped onto his bed and Alby stirred me to the door.
I turned my head slightly, trying to look at Newt. He was once again looking straight at me, our eye contact electric. His broken eyes showed me his concern.
Why does this keep happening? Why can't there be one normal day in this hellhole?
I started to make my way towards my room. The route felt foreign, I hadn't slept there in days, and I wasn't particularly excited about spending a night in there alone. I wasn't even sleepy, so I would probably just stare at the dark wall until the sunrise when the rush and the nerves of my day had faded. Maybe it was that feeling of insomnia or just the mysterious mistress of the night, people call Fate, but instead of turning right and going towards my room, I turned left and, carefully stepping over peacefully sleeping boys, made my way out of the Homestead.
Quietly closing the door behind me, I went to the side of the building, slid down the wall and sat there looking around but not really seeing anything. My body just wanted to turn off, but my bitch of a brain had other plans. I wasn't really thinking about anything in particular, just existing, exhausted and confused.
It didn't feel like a long time, but I guess it must have been, or maybe at some point I fell asleep, but when my thoughts finally focused, a new day was taking the place of yesterday's crappy night. The warm yellow hue of sunrise was illuminating the Glade. The walls of the Maze were still slowly changing, the sounds of stone on stone sliding echoing sickeningly over the still sleeping Glade and painfully obvious now that I had acknowledged them. It was like the Maze itself was mocking us: 'Good job today, you survived, but you are a step further away from actually getting out of here.' In a pitiful act of defiance (I'm not just gonna sit on my ass and wait for death), I got up and started walking around the Glade. My muscles were sore from sitting on the ground for the entire night and I was starting to get hungry, so I slowly made my way towards the kitchen. I could see some beetle-blades running around, their red lights watching me from a safe distance. One of them got closer to me, stepping right in front of me. Almost reflexively I raised a carefully selected finger in it's direction and sidestepped, continuing on my way. I knew the kitchen probably wasn't open yet, but I could just sit on the benches outside, relax for a bit, maybe even catch Minho before his run. No harm done.
At least that was the plan. When has anything gone according to plan?