One Last Time - I'll Make It Feel Like Home

Chapter 22 - Louis

Was I sick? Did Simon come to bite my head off? Was I out?

"Simon got the flu, so I bit my head off.", I blurt without thinking. The mess that's my mind shining through.

I smack my head against the wall, cursing myself.

"You what?", I hear Niall exclaim from the phone, "The hell are you on?"

"Talk to you later." I panic, hanging up the phone before chucking it at the wall.

I hear it crack as I bury my face in my hands, feeling a fresh stream of salt tears build up in my eyes.

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

What the hell was I thinking? That's right. I wasn't. Or I was thinking too much at once and said it all at once.

Now Niall's gonna think I'm high and come check on me.

I bite back a sob as I pull myself off the floor, snatching my phone back before stumbling into the hallway. I grab my keys, not bothering with shoes as I unlock the door.

I can't have anyone see me when I'm like this. They just can't.

With tears streaming down my heated face, I struggle to get the key in the lock from my hands shaking like leaves.

At this point, my heart is about to jump out of my chest.

I finally get it in, turning the key before running barefoot down to my car, ignoring the sting the gravel leaves in the soles of my feet. I'll handle that later.

"Fucking open, dammit!", I shout at my car in despair when the door won't budge. It's then I remember that I haven't unlocked it yet.

Dumb, stupid fucker.

I press the button, opening the door before practically collapsing in the driver's seat.

Not wasting any time I fire up the car while buckling my seat belt. Everything going much slower than I'd like it to.

I need to get out of here is all that's going through my head as I start driving, my breathing not slowing down at all.

My eyes are apparently an endless vault of salt water because they just won't stop letting it fall. The tears making everything look like blobs of colour through the constant watering.

I don't even know what triggered it. But after I hung up with Simon yesterday, everything came crashing down on me.

All the shit and crap that's been thrown in my face, coming back. Only hurting ten times more than I can remember. As well as the guilt I have over things I don't even want to think about within the barrier of my own mind.

Being tortured by one's own thoughts for long enough should make the impact of them hurt less. At least that's what you'd think.

But if possible, it only hurts worse every time. It's like you're getting the shit beaten out of you by the same person over and over. Only every time it comes back ten times stronger.

What makes it all suck even more, is that the person constantly beating your arse, is really just your own mind tormenting you. You technically have the power to make the pain stop.

It's your own thoughts, so why wouldn't I?

Just don't think about it, right?

I wish it was that easy.

I don't even bother wiping the tears that are rolling down my cheeks and soaking my skin. Shit, I forgot to put on a shirt.

I, Louis Tomlinson, is driving shirtless and without shoes while balling my eyes out, barely being able to breathe in between the sobs escaping my lips.

Just fantastic.

Too lost in my own mind to even realize I've drifted off into the wrong lane.

Too lost to hear the honking of the truck desperately hitting the brakes.

Too lost to see the lights blinding my bloodshot eyes.

Too lost to register the impact.

That is until I'm pulled out by the pain erupting all over my body before it all goes blank.

Finally getting lost in the dark.

-

A/N

Hey.

It's me. I couldn't sleep so I thought, might as well try to write something.

Now I really wish I would've just watched Criminal Minds instead.

I am really sorry for doing this.

I don't know why my mind is like this, but it is really, truly sorry.

I hope you don't hate me too much for this. And for leaving you on a cliffhanger of this nature.

But please take care of yourselves!!!! TPWK

Don't hesitate to message me here or on social media if you want. 

If you wanna skin me, I don't blame you.

I LOVE YOU!!!!

- Emily xx

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