My dear beloved (larry stylinson)

Can't

Soon after wallowing in my self pity for hours lottie comes in 

"Here's dinner louis" she sets it on my side table and leaves 

I don't move 

Hell I haven't moved since I ended the call

My arms are asleep, I can't move my legs 

My face is dried in place from all the tears 

And honestly I dont give a fuck anymore 

I gave my all to a boy who just left 

The rain stopped and now the sun's out 

I can see the rays coming through my window and landing on my suitcase 

What if I leave tonight in stead 

I stand up and start throwing random clothes in my suitcase before putting on sweats 

I book a flight for 7:00pm straight to the heart of New York city 

I leave a note for my family and climb out my window

Soon I'm on a city buss contemplating my life 

What if he really doesn't want to see me? What if he doesn't love me anymore? He sure doesn't act like he cares at all 

I send him a text 

To: Hazza 

I'll see you my beloved xoxo 

His favorite poem 

The airport is rough when I get there 

So many people racing back and forth, speaking over the intercoms, it's like that feeling when you drive over a really big hill and as your going down you feel your stomach do a loopty-loop

I make it to security check and the lady looks at me sympathetically 

It's probably how I look, If I don't act heartbroken my looks will tell you 

I don't smile at her, I don't act like my usually cheerful self, I don't act like nothings wrong because everything is wrong 

After about 30-40 minutes of waiting and almost missing my flight I'm sitting in the back by myself

A few stray tears falling down my face while thinking of memories 

I get one last text before we take off 

From: Hazza

Please louis I love you I'm sorry call me 

I shut my phone off and sob into my pillow 

On the long long flight full of screaming kids and depressing movies I contemplate everything that's happened 

I fall asleep to the thought that everything will be okay and wake up in new York 

3 months ago I was excited to come to New York and harry show me all the cool places 

Now I want to jump off a building 

I, well I would be lying if I said quickly, get a taxi and go to harrys 

It's about a 20 minute drive but it takes us even longer to get there because of traffic 

It makes me think more, I hate thinking 

I see all the happy couples walking down the streets and eating ice cream