We'll Be Okay [Solby]

Chapter 8

Sam's voice was quiet when he asked, "Are you okay if I wrap my arm around you?"

No.

"Just... slowly?" Colby whispered, just now realizing how badly he was shaking. Sam looked pained, but moved anyway, keeping his eyes locked onto Colby's as he wrapped his arm around his shoulder, not even pulling, just laying it there.

Colby took a deep, deliberate breath in and out through his nose. This was Sam. Sam wouldn't hurt him. Not on purpose. He struggled to reconcile the part of his brain telling him to get the fuck out of there because something was holding him down and the part of him that knew it was Sam.

Sam's eyes were red, and he looked somewhere between sadness and anger, trying to hold tears in. "You don't have to touch me, Colby," He whispered thickly, "I mean, after he... and I..."

Sam was still blaming himself. "Fuck, Sam," Colby felt angry tears of his own fill his eyes. "This isn't your fault. You didn't fucking..." He was shaking again, "Hold me down and shove your dick in my ass." The words came out like he had been kicked in the gut, his abdomen contracting as he spoke them.

The words were meant to be harsh, meant to make a point, but Colby still felt guilty when Sam winced, looking away from him. "I know," He said softly, "But I still hurt you. And you can't tell me that I'm not getting mixed up in your head with him." Colby took a breath to argue, but was cut off by Sam, his voice barely there when he murmured;

"You could still touch me before he hurt you."

The breath left his lungs in a slow, sad sigh. Sam wasn't wrong, even though it hurt him deep in his chest to admit it. "It's not because I'm picturing you," He insisted stubbornly. "I trust you Sam. Sometimes my body just..." He forced himself to relax into Sam's side, trying to take the same comfort from the contact he knew Sam needed. Sam's hand gently rubbed his shoulder, "You did everything you could."

Sam searched his eyes, and it was just then that Colby noticed how close their bodies were, their faces. Close enough that with a little movement he could kiss Sam again, if he wanted to. Sam seemed to notice it too.

Did he want to?

Or was that just the trauma talking?

He opened his mouth to ask Sam about that whole conversation when Sam reached up to touch his face. Colby almost flinched back, the touch was so unexpected. Sam winced apologetically, but he still whispered, with a small amount of fear in his voice, "I really want to kiss you right now."

Colby's heart stopped, before restarting at an accelerated rate, racing out of his rib cage because what did Sam just say? Sam's face was flushing, the eyes open and wide and vulnerable and Colby could almost imagine that he saw something like love in them. Sam wanted to kiss him...

He realized he had taken a moment too long to react when he saw the start of regret in Sam's eye, his body already retreating with a self damning expression on his face and Colby couldn't have that.

Because he wanted to kiss Sam too.

So he reached over, gently pulling a fistful of Sam's hair and pressing him down into the pillows he leaned against. Apprehensive relief lit up across Sam's face, and he passively let Colby reposition him so that he was under Colby, letting Colby have control of this situation. Sam didn't have to do it, but Colby so greatly appreciated him accommodating for his trauma, feeling the warmth permeate the cold cavity of his chest. It was the swell of love that Colby felt bloom in his chest that let him have no qualms leaning down and kissing Sam.

Sam's breath shuddered in through his nose at the contact, pulling cold air across Colby's face. His body tightened, the muscles of his abs and arms tensing but still he kept his hands gentle, one still resting on Colby's cheek while the other lay lightly on his back.