We'll Be Okay [Solby]

Chapter 5

And then the warmth gasped. And everything snapped into context. Colby opened his eyes to see Sam's staring at the ceiling as though he were trying to distract himself. Hands were gripping into his back, and Colby realized suddenly he was lying on top of Sam. His head was snuggled into his head, legs intertwined, and something pressing into his stomach.

Oh.

Colby gave an undignified squawk as he rolled off off Sam as though his best friend had caught fire. Warmth flushed into his face, and he could see out of the corner of his eye Sam's face had too, the flush stretching down into his neck.

"Sorry, I..."

"It's fine..."

"I guess I..."

"Don't worry about it."

"I-"

"You-"

They both just paused, looking at each other, Sam's legs crossed uncomfortably while Colby tried to avert his eyes. Which was stupid, really. Wasn't like he didn't know exactly what it looked like-felt like inside of him.

And even more stupid, because it wasn't like they hadn't woken up poking each other in the back before. During the TFIL days he and Sam had shared beds all the time, and they had been nineteen with uncontrolled hormones. It was inevitable that they woke up in compromising situations sometimes. It had been a little awkward, but fine. Worse once Colby had realized he had feelings for Sam, but something he had forced himself to get over.

All those nights he had almost been drunk enough to just say something, almost thought he had read permission in Sam's face, dreamed that he might suddenly realize he had feelings for Colby, fantasied about just reaching over and...

But now here they were, in the same situation but yet... everything had changed. And as the two stared at each other, Colby blurted out something that had everything that had happened to them not happened, he would have never been in the place to say. But it had happened, and even though such a statement should have required so much more communication and dialogue in a normal situation, the two had just experienced so much trauma together and Colby was looking for, needed something to ground him.

"Do you need some help with that?"

Colby froze as he registered what he had said, and Sam did the same. The initial flush had faded somewhat, but flared with new life on both of them as they considered what Colby had just asked.

A sudden realization of how fucking stupid that question had been to ask hit him. "I mean, you don't..." Colby floundered with his words. Fuck, fuck, fuck... "I just thought, since you had... Obviously, I'm not going to make you..." This is it, he's never going to talk to me again...

"Colby." Sam cut him off. The expression on his face was an almost comedic (if Colby had not been so terrified) mixture of confusion, shock, amusement, and... was that arousal? There was a terribly long pause. Colby was just about to start stuttering out another apology when Sam shifted. His face was red, but he held Colby's gaze as he relaxed his legs, and nodded.

Colby didn't know how to take it for a moment. Was that... Sam was giving him permission? Much as his heart was racing with excitement he did not want to assume. Not when so much permission had already been taken from them. "Sam, are you..."

"Colby, I..." Sam's face looked strained, and he squeezed his eyes shut for a moment. When he opened them, his expression was clearer. "Colby, come here."

Colby scooted back over to Sam, watching as his friend tried to relax his body posture. When he was close enough to touch Sam's face, Sam spoke, "I would... I would like that, if you're willing," he held Colby's gaze earnestly, "I don't want you to do anything you don't want to do. Not after everything."