Rescue
Meredith confides in Addison when Derek is doubting her.
"This bone graph is really tricky, Derek," Meredith sighs, as she tries to concentrate.
"You don't have to do it, I talked to Mark. You don't have to do it," says Derek.
"What, you don't think I can do it?" says Meredith, hurt by Derek's implications.
"When has Mark Sloan ever let an intern do anything, much less a complex procedure?," says Derek.
"He's in the race for Chief," Meredith shrugs.
"If this goes well, he gets the credit. If it goes poorly, he gets the save.
"So this is about you one-upping Mark," says Meredith.
He's using you," says Derek. "I'm just trying to protect you."
"You don't need to-" Meredith says bitterly. "Close the door on your way out."
"Addison- Dr. Montgomery-" says Meredith, as she finds the redhead in the halls.
"Hello?" says Addison, as she fumbles with her binder for her board interview.
"You know Mark pretty well, right?" says Meredith. "And Derek?"
"Umm well," Addison blushes.
"Anway, this is about Mark. And Derek. And I need your advice..." says Meredith.
"Don't sleep with Mark," Addison deadpans. "Not worth it. And I'm not just saying that because we may or may not have a thing going on here, I'm saying that because one of your friends already asked me about Adultery today, and in my humble opinion, I'd like to pass on some wisdom from my 38 years on this planet, and that wisdom would be for you not to repeat the mistakes of my past, namely the ones involving me and Mark Sloan in bed together... Adulterously... Also I think Derek might actually seriously hurt him if he caught you cheating on him with Mark..." says Addison.
"What!? I wasn't going to- this is not about sex," Meredith whispers.
"Oh, oh damn, I'm so sorry, of course not. Go on, Grey," Addison sighs.
"Right, um... Where were we..." Meredith fumbles, blushing when Addison brings up sex.
"Mark," says Addison. "Also possibly Derek."
"Right," says Meredith, "Mark. So Mark asked me to scrub in on a facial reconstruction surgery, and then Derek talked to Mark about it, and then Derek talked to me about it, and he said that Mark was just using me, and trying to protect me, and I told him I didn't need him to. But should I listen to him? Is Mark just using me as a human shield against the Chief? Or should I be happy that he picked me?" says Meredith.
Addison considers this for a moment, and thinks before she answers Meredith carefully.
"Mark's a good guy sometimes... Underneath it all... And Derek, Derek very clearly wants to shelter you from pain..." says Addison.
"See that's the thing. I don't need sheltering. I don't need rescuing. I find it condescending, and also controlling," says Meredith.
"Okay," says Addison, nodding.
"And it's messing with my head. I know I just lost my mother, and I know I almost drowned in Elliot Bay. And I know that Cristina's engagement to Burke is not going well, and that George is fighting with Callie again, and Alex is still bragging about his rescue patient. And Richard keeps looking at me like I'm his daughter, which I am not, but he always seems to think that I am. Which in contrast to my actual father, is interesting because my dad seems to forget that he is. And back to the point-" Meredith says, before she pauses to catch her breath.
And to her relief, Addison keeps listening, and smiling, and encouraging her to keep talking, and expressing herself.
"And back to the point, people have got to stop protecting me. So maybe I like the idea of a knight in shining... whatever... But that doesn't mean I can't decide for myself what I can and cannot handle. And I definitely do not need my boyfriend deciding that for me. Except for that tiny nagging feeling that makes me doubt myself and think, am I wrong? Is it just the dead mother talking or am I just dark and twisty? I want to think that I can still do what's best for myself, but I don't know if I can, and it's messing up my head," Meredith sighs.
"Meredith..." Addison says softly.
"And Cristina's getting engaged, but she's not sure about it. And George is already married, but I'm pretty sure he's not sure about it. And you-"
"Me?" says Addison, her eyes wide in shock.
"And you were already married. And now you're not anymore. And again, I am so sorry about that-"
"It wasn't your fault, Meredith-" Addison cuts in.
"Right, sort of, but okay, but anyway. It's just, if we keep going like this, then someday Derek is going to ask me to marry me. And I'll probably say yes. And I'll probably picture this happily-ever-after place where everything is bright and shiny and stuff, but if that bright and shiny place means that a guy is going to fight my battles for me, then I don't want it. My body temperature was below seventy degrees just two weeks ago, and I fought, and I came back all on my own. I'm not weak. I don't need to be coddled-" says Meredith.
"So-" Addison says softly.
"So I just wanted to know... Is Mark using me?" Meredith asks softly.
"Well, I hope not, but if he is, if you want to do the surgery, which you can take or leave as you wish, then I hope you make the most of it. Even if he did pick you for the wrong reasons, it doesn't mean you can't enjoy it nonetheless," says Addison.
"And Derek?" Meredith asks even more softly.
Addison sighs heavily.
"You know, when I first came here, and I saw you... I thought that you were young, and that you had that 'ooh, he's a brain surgeon look about you... and well... I wondered if Derek enjoyed you admiring him. Looking up to him. Seeing him as the best..." Addison sighs.
"So he likes to be above me... Metaphorically... I mean..." says Meredith.
"In a way, maybe," says Addison.
"It's sweet, sometimes. But I don't know if I can spend my life underneath him... Metaphorically... I mean..." says Meredith.
"You're your own person, Meredith. You're bright, you're strong, you're a quick learner. You're going to make it no matter what you choose. And you put up one hell of a fight once you came back from the water," says Addison. "And just think, the fact that you can talk to me right now about this... All this is extra. You could have died out there, or in here... But you made it. Take comfort in that," says Addison.
"Thank you," says Meredith. Then she pauses. "How come we've never talked like this before?" says Meredith.
Addison chuckles to herself, and Meredith wonders what it means.
"Chin up, Grey," says Addison. "And for what it's worth, I think you'd be great to have in the O.R with Jane Doe later today, if you're up for it."
"Thanks, Dr. Montgomery," says Meredith. Then she leaps into Addison's arms, and hugs her tight before she can think better of it. "Good luck on your interview. I think you'd make a great Chief."
Addison stands still for a moment, shocked by Meredith's sudden actions before she relaxes, and hugs Meredith back.
"And by the way, for the surgery..." Meredith smiles. "I'm totally in."
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***** FIN
