𝐆𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐄

[𝟑𝟗] 𝐏𝐨𝐬𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞

She finally let's go, grinning from ear to ear as she points to a rack of clothes. I frown and turn to look at it.

Hanging on the bright blue rack are countless t-shirts and hoodies. And by t-shirts and hoodies, I mean small pieces of cloth sewn together. Or crop-tops-- whichever you prefer to call them.

I immediately shake my head at Ray. "Nuh-uh, Ray-Ray. No way. You know I'm still not comfortable with those."

She rolls her eyes at me. "You told me that you wanted to push your limits, Gracie. And that's exactly what I'm trying to help you do."

Ellie looks at us. Confused, she begins scratching the back of her neck awkwardly as she pretends to look at the clothes. I almost laugh but then realize that a part of me wants to tell her about my ED.

Since Sam and I got back from Texas, she'd been hanging out with us more often. Apparently, Danny went home to visit his sick mom, leaving Ellie basically alone. And this meant that, recently, we'd been getting really close. Hence why she's hanging out with us today.

I've learned that she's very shy with new people, which you honestly wouldn't think at first glance. She looks like one of those popular, stuck-up girls-- the ones that seem like they only worry about what parties they miss and if their eyeliner is crooked.

"Ellie," I say accidentally. Shit. Didn't mean to say that.

My brain and mouth hadn't exactly been keeping up with each other lately. It's kind of starting to piss me off because now I feel the need to lie to this sweet girl.

"Hmm?" She hums in response, smiling softly.

I look at Ray for any form of hesitation. For any little indication that whisper, "you shouldn't do this, Grace."

But I don't find one. So, I take a deep breath and chew on my lip for a moment, attempting to form the right words in my head so that the confession can easily slip past my tongue and teeth.

I almost died myself.

Absolutely not, Grace. What the fuck?

Starved myself for a while, el oh el.

This is a bad idea.

"I had an eating disorder." I blurt. Her eyes widen before they soften. But then they widen again and she blinks at me a few times. I watch as the cogs in her head shift and fall into place as she puts the pieces together in her head. Then her eyes widen and she pulls me into her arms. Oh, fuck me. I've been emotional all fucking week, don't hug me.

"I-I'm okay, Ellie." I let out a chuckle to mask the sound in my voice. Blinking back tears, I pull away, holding her hand as I tell her, "I've been in recovery for a few years now. Or, I am recovered-- if that's possible. This thing was eating me alive."

"Well, someone had to eat," Ray says under her breath. My jaw drops and I turn my head to look at her. She looks up at me and our eyes widen simultaneously before we bust out laughing.

Ellie frowns in confusion. "Isn't that mean? Doesn't it like-- sorry if this is a kinda invasive question, but... doesn't it trigger you, or anything?"

I smile softly and shake my head.

"It used to make me kind of uncomfortable. But then the more I got comfortable with joking about it, the more I felt that my family and friends had the place to joke about it."

It's true. Maybe I was the one with the ED, the one that went through it. But they went through it, too. It's my experience as much as it is theirs. While both me and the people close to me healed, it was just easier to joke about it rather than cry about it.