My dear beloved (larry stylinson)

I

You know the empty feeling on a cold Saturday, or any day really, when the person you want there just can't be there? Or you have absolutely no one and you can't find anyone who understands your pain? 

That's how I feel right now

My parents think my "best friend" moved, which would in fact still hurt like shit, but it's worse when it's your boyfriend 

It's worse when your parents don't know so they can't comfort you, on the other side tho if they knew harry was my boyfriend I wouldn't be bored anymore, I'd be at conversion therapy.

He's been gone for 3 months at this point, at first we talked and called multiple times a day, then just once at night, even on those video calls I noticed someone distracting him, he said it was "just his friend ed" but it made me uneasy 

Then Harry started missing some calls, we only called two or three times a week, that's what hurt like shit. I knew he was out having fun with Ed and other rich fancy fun new York kids who were older than me, I knew he didn't need me 

Then they got down to one a week, I started thinking…"what did I do wrong?" "Why doesn't he want me anymore?" And just before it got to bad he called, that's how It happened every single time 

He said he missed me, that he loved me, but I just felt like the guy I gave all my highschool Years was gone and someone else replaced him 

Harrys 21, so he was out of highschool so he waited for my last year to move, I turn 18 next week and that's when I'm booking a flight to New York city to see my boyfriend 

I'm sulking in my bed on this awful, rainy may I add, afternoon, Saturday of course when my sister barges in 

"Louis!" I flip the comforter off my face 

"What?" Its obvious I'd been crying 

Lottie knows about me and harry, she gives me a look of pity before going back to her smile 

"Harry called" That's when I notice the computer in her hand 

I sit up so fast I nearly get a headache "what!" I whisper yell 

She hands me the computer and leaves the room 

Harrys on the other side but he's not paying attention, he hasn't even realized I'm there yet, I noticed myself on the small square 

I look awful, bags under my eyes, tear streaks down my face, my hair is everywhere 

I look dead. 

Harry has ed and some other really pretty girl with him 

Him and Ed are playing footsie and poking each other, we did that 

The girl coughs making Harry look at the screen 

"Oh hey boobe- lou what's wrong?" Hes fucking clueless 

No I haven't confronted him but he rarely calls

"Nothing," I wipe my face and stretch "I'm coming to New York this weekend" 

Ed's face drops, he never liked me "why" he basically spits at the computer 

Harry doesn't notice, he never does 

"Because it's my 18th birthday on Wednesday and ima spend it with harry liked we planned three months ago" Harry nods but doesn't look like he even cares 

Ed chuckles "don't come louis, I mean look at harry he doesn't even care if he sees you or not, it's been 3 months he's over your short stupid relationship" harrys jaw drops 

"Short? I've been with him for 5 years Ed but if he's so over it Harry why don't you tell me" Harry looks at me "im not louis I swear" I chuckle 

"Oh so is that why you stopped calling? Started hanging with Ed and blowing me off? Harry that really hurt I haven't left my room for weeks!" We both have tears streaming down our faces 

I end the call and slam the computer shut before going back into my slumber 

Now i'm angry, pissed actually  

When I was little, there was a Cafe Mrs. Katy used to own, she was an very old lady passed years back

She had a bell on the door like most places

The bell made me mad, it always sounded angry, heartbroken, like everything in its life had just fallen apart 

And yes it's just a bell but I didn't know that 

I always made funny faces at the bell trying to get it to be happy, because in the logic of a six year old boy funny faces made everything better 

Right now I feel worse than the bell, I wish I felt like the bell, as a 17, almost 18 year old laying in my bed with no shirt on, rain slamming on my window and blasting a "taylor swift songs to scream to" Playlist, I can tell you funny faces wouldn't help me 

I'm tempted to get my razor out because this last hour has been the lowest point

Not when we lost fizzy, not when dad walked out, not when harry almost- no maybe that's on the same level

This is the lowest 

But I don't, because it doesn't matter if harry has left me heartbroken I promised him I wouldn't if he stopped to and I'm not breaking my promises 

Just like I promised him three months ago I wouldn't stop loving him, all though I don't know if he kept up his half, and like I promised him i would come on my 18th birthday 

So I'm leaving the day after tomorrow to see my boyfr- person 

I will go to his house, knock on his door and ask him what the hell did I do? 

Not because I want to, not because i have to 

But because I need to 

Before I break and fall I need to know why 

I need to know what I could have done to stop the water from crashing my sand castle 

I need to.

---

Words: 992