One Last Time - I'll Make It Feel Like Home

Chapter 16 - Harry

And then there's Zayn. He was struggling so much before he left, and I did nothing to help him. I tried to talk to him. Get him to open up to me. But when that didn't work, I gave up.

I never defended him either. When people were calling him horrible things. Saying terrible things about him. When he was being criticized by our management for things he couldn't help.

We never defended him. Even though he always had our backs. I might as well have shoved a knife in his.

When they pushed Liam to be responsible for the four of us just because of the image they wanted to push on him. When they were on his back for all the mischief and fuckery we did. Blaming him for everything. Expecting him to fix it.

I did nothing to help him. I never told them to shut up. I never took the blame when things went wrong.

I also never told them to go fuck themselves when they wouldn't let Niall have his surgery. They neglected his fucking health. And I did nothing.

They turned down his mic. Forced him to pretend everything was alright when it was clearly not. When it all obviously was eating away at him every single day.

I did nothing.

The lump that's been growing bigger all day is making every inhale feel like a struggle. The guilt eating away at my every thought.

I was supposed to be there for them. But I failed them.

I finally let the tears spill after trying to hold them back for what seems like forever. Letting the pain roll over me in waves.

I deserve it.

Blindly reaching out for the bottle I placed on the coffee table, the tears making everything blurry, I grab a hold of the flask. Downing the rest of its contents. Letting it burn my throat before a fit of coughs take a hold of my body.

With the combination of the burn, coughs and sobs that wreck me, breathing is nearly impossible.

My body at some point can't handle sitting up anymore, curling up into a ball in the middle of the sofa.

The cries still escaping me constantly amplifying the torturous thoughts filling my mind to the brim. I don't know how much more I can handle.

After a while, I lose track of time. All I know is that my sobs have been reduced to shaky breaths and a steady stream of tears coating my face.

I don't have the energy to lift my head off the sofa to check what time it is.

Just as I'm on the brink of falling asleep, there's a knock on the door. No, pounding.

Relentless fists connecting with my poor door.

I try to get off the sofa like a normal human being, but I fail drastically. I don't realize my legs are asleep until I'm falling.

The impact of my body connecting with the floor causes the breath to be knocked straight out of my lungs.

"Fuck.", I wheeze in pain. My whole body hurts from both exhaustion and that god damn floor.

Fucking floor.

I almost forgot why I tried to move until I hear a muffled voice shout, "Harry! Open the door! Please!"

"It's unlocked! Come in!", I try to shout back, my voice cracking at every word from the strain my throat's been through.

Apparently, I don't care about being robbed.

I hear the door open, close and lock as I try to regain control of my breathing from my very flattering position on the floor.

"What are you doing on the floor?"

-

A/N

Hey!

Me again. Triple update.

Please don't hate me. This wasn't planned either. It just kind of happened.

I am just going to say sorry and shut up already.

I'll be in my corner again.

Love you. Goodbye.

- Emily xx

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hehe. me too