You Had Me All Along

You Had Me All Along - Chapter 44

Chapter 44

I was at work when Carson got the call.  It was unexpected, because it was four weeks before when the baby was supposed to be born. But, alas, Lacey was in labor. It was only a week after that dinner with Finn. Things were going so good. Carson and I were happy.

   When my phone rang that day, it was near the start of my shift. I saw that it was Carson calling, so I went to the office to answer. He never called me during my work day, so I knew it was important.

   "So, she's having the baby, today."

   The words felt like a hundred bricks on me, at once. "Today?" I asked back.

   It was early April. I knew Lacey was due in early May, because it was close to my birthday. I wasn't a big fan of the idea of me sharing a birthday with this baby, but there wasn't anything I could do about that.

   "Her water broke. So... I'm going to finish up here and drive down there-" he explained, but I didn't let him finish.

   "You're going to Jacksonville?" My heart was racing.

   Maybe I was afraid of him going to meet the baby and fall in love with Lacey and never coming back?  Or I was just afraid of that baby actually being his and Lacey having something with Carson that I didn't have. All I knew was that I was not ready for this.

   "Yeah. I, uh... she asked if I could go... and I thought-"

   I took in a breath, trying to calm myself. "Okay. Yeah."

   My boyfriend - my Carson - had to go to Jacksonville, because there was a girl there who was having a baby, which might be his. I couldn't go, nor did I want to. But every one of my insecurities was shining through, suddenly. I was jealous. Angry. Sad.

   "Arden, I know this is weird, but... it'll be okay. I'll call you tonight?" he asked, sounding hopeful that I would agree to this.

   "Yeah... were will you stay?" I wanted to know.

   "Oh. I talked to Matt, Lacey's brother. But I'll only be gone a day, okay?" He was trying to reassure me. He seemed to be down playing how serious this was.

   It didn't feel like he was half as scared as I was, but that didn't matter.  He had to do this, so I tried to shake the feeling off.  He was trying to do the right thing and I couldn't be mad at him for that.

   It was weird at work, the rest of the day. Sierra was working, as well as Sandrina. They were blissfully unaware of my situation, as I hadn't told them. I didn't really want anyone to know about this., mostly because I didn't even know how I felt about it.  I didn't want their opinions. It was a busy Saturday and the day went quickly, so once I was done, I grabbed two smoothies from the food court and headed home.

   No, I hadn't told my mom about this situation with Carson yet. I wasn't sure how or when I would tell her. But she was in the kitchen when I got home, so I smiled and handed her the smoothie anyway.

   "Strawberry banana," I said plainly.

   "Oh, what did I do to deserve this?" she laughed, reaching out for it. "Thank you, honey."

   "Nothing. I just... wanted to surprise you," I smiled back.

   She gave me a look which I knew meant she was trying to determine if I was okay, but then she nodded, finally. That was the problem with having a psychiatrist for a mother. She was forever analyzing my behavior. But for now, she seemed to believe me, and I'd avoided that conversation at least for a bit longer.