Devil's Pawn (Completed)

18. (River)

I smiled down at him. I was sitting on his lap. I didn't think of Chloe or Charlie or my mom, or the seventy-thousand wrinkles in my dress right now. All I could think about was for the first time in a long time, I was smiling. I was happy, and it was all thanks to this wonderful guy sitting beneath me. I looked into his eyes as he smiled up at me and I tangled my hands into his hair and pulled him closer to me as I interlocked our lips again. I felt him smiling against me which only made me return the gesture.

"I feel so light." he said against my lips.

"Me too." I whispered. He opened his eyes and looked at me.

"What did he do to you?" he asked after a moment making me break our gaze and stiffen.

"Who?" I asked even though I knew who he meant by "he". The director at Havenwyk.

"You don't have to tell me. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked." he shook his head looking away as his hands continued to rub my lower back comfortingly.

"No." I said softly. "I'll tell you."

His eyes slowly travelled to my own. I felt the memories of my time at the group home rush to me causing a roller coaster of emotions to embark inside of me. The abuse, the violence, the hunger...it was my own personal hell. I couldn't.

"Hey." he sat up looking into my eyes. He rubbed his finger lightly over my cheek and, as I realize now, wiped a tear."We have all the time in the world for this. It doesn't have to be tonight"-

"He raped me." I spat out. I felt a weight suddenly rise, like a gate letting all of those hidden emotions shine in the light of exposure. I had finally said it. I didn't deny it like I did in my head. I didn't ignore the feeling of helplessness like I had in my nightmares. I had finally told someone. But why didn't I feel free.

"Jolie"-

"I was tired of getting beaten by those girls. I had been saving my chore money up in a hole in the matress I had been bunking in. I was planning on leaving exactly a month after I had been admitted. I didn't know where I was gonna go but I didn't care...hell was better than that place. I confided in my bunk mate Sheri. I offered her to come with me. She even proposed the idea that I sell my pills." I paused to catch my breath. I looked down at River. He looked pained, but nonetheless he was hanging on to my every word, visualizing my situation.

"I had done it. I packed my bag and I snuck through the house and out the door, it was easy...too easy. I was walking to the bus station when a black car pulled along side me. Of course I panicked and sped up, and so did the car. The horn beeped and I sprinted. When it caught up to me, they rolled the window down and there was Father Hiede."

"He was a preist?" River growled. I nodded swallowing.

"He took me in the car and he..he did his business to me, and when we went back to the house...he let them do whatever they wanted. I was on basement punishment. I was tied to a pole in the basement and laid on a matress. Guys and girls came and I was forced to endure all of it."

"You don't have to tell me this Joe. It's okay. I will not let you go back there. We can get that place shut down."

"Who will believe me?" I asked staring at him. "I have a history of mental asylums and pills behind my name, my word is trash. She made sure of that."

"I believe you. My mom will, somebody will. Joe you can't let him get away will this."

I shook my head. "He already did. You can't tell anyone River." I looked at him. "Please. Don't tell anyone. Imagine the things people will say about me if they find out who I really am-

"Who you really are?" he repeated cutting me off. "What- What do you mean by that?"

"I've had more people inside of me than I can remember River. I'm a whore-"

I felt his hand grip my arm so tight I could feel my pulse. I looked at him in shock but instead of River I was met with violent eyes.

"Don't you ever think of yourself as a whore for what was forced on you Jolie. You were raped. You were a 14 year old girl. You didn't want that. You're not whore. You're anything but that. Do you hear me?"

"I'm tainted." I said louder. "I'm not a virgin. I'm not good. I'm-

"You lose your virginity when you want to, to who you want to. Not when someone wants it for you." he snapped. "You are worth more than that Jolie."

I shook my head. "No listen to me." he growled grabbing my cheeks forcing my to look at him. "Don't hate yourself over something you can't change. Those people were sick. They are monsters! You did nothing wrong."

"But if I just would've waited for my parents to pick me up..." I sobbed into my hands.

"Imagine all the other girls they would have done it to." he whispered looking at me. His grip on my loosened and he used his other hand to wipe my tears. "A younger girl, someone with less fight in them than you Jolie...imagine who was the first girl..who will be the last." I nodded my head as I quaked with tears.

"He can't." I sobbed. He grabbed my hands and removed them from my face. "I won't let that happen to you or any other girl in that home. Okay?" I nodded.

"I can't go back." I said wiping my face. I felt his hand wipe my cheek softly.

"For the last time. You wont." I looked into his blue eyes and I nodded. I won't.