sunlight and shadow

chapter 6(the Darkling)

over the next couple of weeks, Alina started feeling better. She still seldom left her bed and ate little but she was getting better. Alina refused to speak to anyone but Nikolai and even then she spoke in a quiet whisper that no one else could hear. worst of all; she refused to acknowledge my existence. When I walked into her rooms she wouldn't even glance my way and I was tired and jealous and I needed Alina to talk to me so I decided to do the only thing that I knew for sure would get her to talk to me. That evening after the Lansov was gone I stayed in her room as always. It had been about 15 minutes since he left and Alina was sitting at her vanity drawing something. usually, this is when I'd leave but not today. Our bond was still pulsing with huge amounts of agony but it was more manageable and Alina seemed to have it under control. she didn't even show a flicker of surprise when I walked over and looked over her shoulder at what she was painting. it was a portrait of her friends on the Lansov's flying ship. I took a deep breath, I knew that if I did this it would be harder for her to forgive me. but I was desperate I needed to hear her voice even if she did nothing but fling hurtful words at me. -Alina if you don't speak to me I will hurt the Lansov. she looked over at me and said calmly. -is there anything you would like me to say Aleksander? her voice was so cold distant. like mine before I had fallen in love with her. -speak to me tell me something yell at me anything just please don't ignore me, Alina. I was being and I never begged. people begged me, not the other way around. but if it would get her to talk to me, I would do anything. she eyes me with cold disdain - you can't expect me to converse with you while I am painting. if there is something you wish to discuss come back for dinner. I have never seen Alina so calm. so cold or so calculating. I know I won't get anywhere with her right now so I decide to listen and come back for dinner. just s I am about to leave I hear a small choked sob. I turn around to see Alina's shoulder shaking with silent tears I go to her and gently place my hand on her shoulder. she looks up her eyes blazing and tears roaring down her face in a never-ending stream, still, her voice is cold and steady when she says - leave Aleksander. I decide I don't want to push her. not tonight at least but when I remove my hand and start to turn around I feel a huge amount of pain and longing pulse down our bond. when I turn back around her head is hunched her painting ruined by the tears. this time she doesn't protest when I sit down and hug her so I pick her up and carry her to her bed. Saints. when did I become the person who cares? Alina has completely taken down or slipped through all my carefully crafted barriers and she doesn't even know it. For her, I would give up anything for the first time I wanted something more than I wanted power.  And as Alina cried on my shoulder I made a silent vow. Whatever it took no matter how long it took she would forgive me.