Jaan

Part 11- The First Touch

My heart was beating so fast and I couldn't process what just happened.

I got scared for my life when she pushed me into the pool. Scared to the point that I don't think I ever want to be near water again. I don't know why she hates me so much. And now it has become clear that she only invited me to embarrass me in front of the whole school.

How can one's heart be filled with such hatred?

On top of all that, I confessed to him. One side of me is glad that I let it out but the other is disappointed. Glad because the feelings that had been bothering me for the past two months were finally out of my system.

But disappointed because I just did something that I have no idea if it's right or wrong. And also because, I always pictured him confessing to me first not the other way around.

Falling in love is absolutely okay but it's the way that we choose to act upon our feelings that can make things haram and wrong. Even if I like him, I don't want to do anything wrong. Actually, I keep thinking that he and I are so young. I wonder if this is actually real or if it's fleeting emotions that will eventually disappear

The worst is that I don't even know if he likes me as well. I confessed but he didn't say anything in return—he only said he heard me.

My heart beats for him. That's for sure. But it's also filled with pure confusion and fear of being in the wrong. You see, I've never felt such a way before.

I sat on my prayer mat after my prayer. I couldn't find the strength to get up. I just needed to stay and speak my heart out to Allah.

I knew that even without speaking, he knew what I wanted to say. That feeling of knowing that I am heard and felt is amazing.  I don't know what tomorrow holds and I'm not sure what to do next. But I pray that Allah always guides me back to the right path if I ever get lost.

***

The next day, while I was still sleeping peacefully I heard screams of joy and laughs coming from downstairs. I was confused early in the morning. Don't tell me we have guests at this time?

I got up from my bed and put on my slippers before making my way downstairs. My hair was a mess and I looked like shit but that's besides the point. I made my way to the living room where the familiar voices were coming from.

Ammi Jaan was smiling brightly while staring at the huge bouquet placed on the table. What's going on?

When she noticed me she ran to me and hugged the life out of me.

"Happy birthday meri jaan!!" she joyed.

No way, did I forget it was my birthday today?!

Abbu joined the hug as well.

"Happy 18th birthday my princess" he said pecking my forehead.

Does that mean I'm officially an adult?! Ya Allah, where was my mind?

"Thank you," I said smiling.

"Guess who brought the huge bouquet for you dear?" Ammi Jaan asked.

"That's for me?" I asked shocked.