lullabies through the window

Nineteen: Ignore It All

The team had only just arrived. They ran through the crowd of nurses trying to restore order to the panicked patients and families, the police trying to help the nurses and figure out what to do with the patients while they cleared the scene, and the crime scene technicians who were trying to gather all the evidence as fast as they could. 

All of unstable patients were being moved back into their rooms first, to their original rooms. Morgan had taken Spencer back to his room with the help of a nurse, who had hooked him back up the the drips and machines. Morgan felt guilty about it, but hurried downstairs to find the team. 

Spencer lay on his back, even though it was burning against the sheets. He recognized the feel of fabric-- he could think. "But..." He wondered. "Do I want to think?" He was remembering what Emily had told him. 

"Spencer... you're at Bennington Sanitarium. You need to wake up, your team needs you back."

He was insane. His team had seen the worst of him. If he woke up, what would he have to wake up to? Even if they still tried to be in his life after, he would never work for the BAU again, or the FBI, or-- at all, possibly. The team would be weird around him, they wouldn't love him as much. And Emily would still be dead. 

Even after this, he slowly opened his eyes (against what he thought was his better judgement) and saw a nurse. She looked back in surprise. "Oh!" She said.

He looked at her in confusion. She smiled politely, then said sincerely:

"We didn't expect you to wake up so soon. Your-- your team will be very happy to see you again. Welcome back, Dr. Reid." She smiled, a trace of pity lingering in it. She walked out of the room. 

Spencer took this as confirmation that he had truly been living a different life. He felt like pieces of him were falling away. Nothing really happened. How could he know he was really awake? How could he know who to trust? Was it even possible for him to know what was real anymore? 

He ignored the nurse who walked in. He didn't listen to what he was telling him. He didn't notice the relief that the sudden sleep was giving him. He ignored it all. 

Morgan led Hotch, Rossi, JJ, Emily, and Penelope to Spencer's room. They stood quietly, talking. Even though they knew he wouldn't wake up soon, they talked quietly. Time passed slowly. Spencer continued to lay completely still, although his face seemed to be unparalysed now.  Morgan had just finished telling them everything Amber had told him.

"...Wow." Garcia whispered. But a she glanced around the group, she could tell they would all do the same for each other. "What a sick world we live in." She thought.

 A doctor suddenly entered the room. The whole team missed her name, but listened attentively to what she said. "It'll be at least a few hours before he wakes up, but we're lowering the painkiller doses because some patients react differently to the medication. We need him to wake up to test their effects and to run some other tests, and possibly another scan."  

The team nodded. The doctor left, and time continued to drag by.

Emily finally stood up. "I'm...I'm gonna go for a walk. I just need some air." She left the room. 

JJ stood up too, remembering how Emily had promised to be there for her, and planned to be the same solace for her. "I'm gonna go talk to her." JJ mumbled as she walked out of the room.

"JJ? What happened?" Hotch stood up.