Inhale [DNF]

- 13 -

I didn't remember falling asleep, but my head fell onto Dream's shoulder, and the next thing I knew, I woke up in a bed that I knew wasn't mine.

My head was pounding. It wasn't the first time in my life I'd been blackout drunk, but I hadn't felt a hangover like this in a while. I groaned and tossed the covers off of my body. This had to be Dream's bedroom—the memories of the previous night came back to me slowly.

The alcohol, dancing, laughing, even talking to that one girl—Marisa? Madison? I couldn't remember.

I checked my phone; Jesus, it was well into the afternoon already. How long had I been sleeping? I glanced around the bedroom and noticed a music stand in front of the window. I didn't want to pry, but there were handwritten notes and lyrics that I let my curious get the best of me.

I thumbed through the endless pages of music, amazed by the number of crossed out lyrics and angry scribbles in the margins.

"Oh, you're awake," Dream's voice startled me and I whipped around, nearly knocking the stand over.

"Yeah—I, uh, sorry, I didn't mean to intrude," I tried to save myself, leaving the music behind me. "D'you have any Tylenol?"

"In the kitchen," Dream didn't sound displeased that I was looking at his things but he didn't seem very happy either.

I remembered last night—the way it felt when our lips connected, how I didn't want to let go. It was proof, as I brushed my fingers against my lips when I followed him out of the room, that Dream had loved me once. There was not heat on my face anymore—the warmth he'd given me long gone.

The apartment was messy, a result of the party. Dream gave me a few pills and some water, then started to pick up the empty cans of beer and the bottles strewn around the living room.

"Did everyone go home?" I asked. He nodded.

"Yeah, Sap went back a couple hours ago. Everyone who didn't pass the fuck out last night left some time around midnight."

"Oh. Sorry—I didn't mean to fall asleep."

"It's fine,"

I noticed that he was wearing his mask again. I wondered if he only felt vulnerable while drunk. I wanted to talk about the previous night—but Dream didn't seem to want to talk to me.

I took the Tylenol he'd given me and bent down to start picking up the trash. We worked in silence, and at times I could feel his eyes watching me. When I turned to meet them, he looked away.

"I had fun last night," I finally said. There was no reaction.

Silence again.

"I don't understand you,"

"What?" Dream asked, almost startled.

"I mean, one day you're taking me to this old treehouse and listening to me play guitar, the next day we're making out on your balcony, and now it's like we're strangers." I muttered, my face flushed with embarrassment.

"I didn't mean to kiss you,"

Disappointment flooded my body.

"Oh,"

"It was an accident, just a fucking mistake. It doesn't mean anything," Dream said hotly, his voice almost begging me to just leave.

I felt like I was being crushed.

"There's nothing there, George. Forget about it."

I listened to my gut and left the apartment, hearing Ranboo's door open and close just as I stepped into the hallway.

I took the subway home. Sapnap was passed out in the living room, but when I closed to door behind me, he shot up in a bleary haze.

I wasn't upset. I mean, I was, but I had no reason to be. I should've known there would be nothing there. A kiss shouldn't have any meaning when even I don't know how I feel about it.

I silently made a cup of tea, knowing Sap was watching me intently.

"So...?"

"What?"

"What do you mean 'what'? How was the party, Gogy?" Jesus, I hated that nickname.

I sighed.

"It was fine. I have a headache. I'm gonna go back to bed."

"So you and Dream, huh?" His voice was playful.

"No, of course not."

"What? I saw you two on the balcony last night—looked like you were enjoying yourselves." My friend wiggled his eyebrows.

"Yeah well, I brought it up today and he said it meant nothing. Not that I care. I'm not gay or anything. I mean," I laughed softly. "Everyone kisses the homies at one point. Yeah?"

"Ew, dude, never say that again. Anyways, are you sure that's what he meant?"

"I'm pretty fucking sure that's what he meant, Sap, he said it was a mistake. I may be colorblind but I'm not deaf." I pinched the bridge of my nose and sat on the couch next to him, trying to push the thought of that conversation out of my head.

"You're joking,"

"Do you think I'd be here right now if I was joking?" I blurted out.

"But he was telling me before I left this morning that—" he didn't finish. I almost didn't want him to.

"God, it doesn't matter, Sapnap. We're just friends, stop pushing it. I already told you I wasn't gay. Jesus."

I stood and hurried away to my bedroom. I wasn't tired—I didn't want to go back to sleep. I sat at my desk and pulled out some of my psychology notes, hoping that they would distract me from the void I was suddenly feeling in my stomach.

Despite my efforts, the thought wouldn't leave my head. It didn't make sense—he was jealous of Peyton, he was overly protective, he  was even jealous of everyone in the group chat when we would fuck around and flirt with each other. And then to push me and that girl apart the night before—I couldn't wrap my head around it.

I wanted to text him and just ask—but I wasn't that kind of person. I can take a rejection. Sapnap is the kind of guy to ask someone to reconsider having sex with him.

"Will you please have sex with me? No? Will you please reconsider?"

I heard him answer the phone from somewhere in the apartment.