Another Chance, Please.

Day 8

8th April 2009

A tiny ray of sunshine shone upon my face, and at the detection of both heat and light, I was wide awake. Bewildered, perhaps resulting from yesterday’s nightmare, I quickly fumbled and only when I felt you; I was immensely relieved.

I softly turned, and there you were, my Adonis. I smiled for the longest time, satisfied at just watching you sleep; but I still couldn’t shake of the nagging feeling that something wasn’t quite right but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. Finger. I lifted my fingers and sure enough, the bluish emerald ring shone at me as if in mockery.

It was getting so blue that it wasn’t even emerald like anymore…in fact it looked more like a sapphire ring.

Sapphire.

At that thought, my heart pulsated rapidly, my mind racing. Increasingly I felt that I was missing something. Something important. My frown deepened, I softly got up and proceeded to wash up. After that, I went up to the counter and poured myself a steaming hot cup of coffee.

As I slowly sipped the bittersweet mixture, out of the corner of my eye I saw a small parcel hidden in the side pocket of your jacket. Inquisitive, I made my way to it. My name was written in your elegant script on the front of the small parcel and I tore it open and shook it. Out poured a beautiful pendant; I smiled at it and held it towards the light to have a better look at it.

It was artfully carved, very intricate in design; I brought it closer to study the finer lines, but when I do, snippets of the horrid nightmare came rushing back into my mind; and the weirdest thing was, I even saw, or rather; felt, what happened after.

Alien memories that didn’t seem like mine came flooding back unwelcomely.

It was an odd sensation, like I was on a third perspective to the memories that seemed so real that I could have sworn them true. “Breaking it will result in you remaining in that time loop forever”. That voice. It seemed familiar yet I was sure I never heard that voice up till then. Break what? What did he mean by time loop?

By then my mind was reeling so much from that voice that boomed out of nowhere, that I felt a throbbing pain in my temples, and weakened by that intense pain; I doubled over.

You saw me from a distance and came to me in an instant; your concerned face comforting my pains. I looked up to your face, cupping your face with my small palms; and the pain suddenly got worse. I blacked out.

Screech! A sickening bang was heard as the impact of it threw you off the windscreen. You lay there, in a lifeless heap. I screamed my lungs out as I ran to you; but was stopped midway by the bystanders and I wrestled to get to you whilst screaming your name. I watched helplessly as the trail of fire suddenly reached the gas tank, your car exploded right in front of me and so did you. I fell in a miserable heap, shook my head in disbelief, and after moments have passed; I let out a shrill before I passed out in the midst of the commotion.

The day when they put you away for good, I, I swore that my soul would forever more be as dead as you are. Life since then was meaningless; what once was good started to seem like screaming mockeries of reminders at me about what once was; and my world turned upside down.

They said that things would eventually get better; that I would find a means to living, but I shut them out. I started to loathe the world. Nothing, nothing; can ever make me feel whole ever again. Years passed, and I stumbled upon Dr. Francois, who was an odd man; and now I knew why.

I learnt about his arts and crafts, and when I heard that I could go back; even for a while, it was too good to let go off, no matter the supposed consequences.

The first time I ‘jumped’, as I erroneously call it, I came back home. And for that whole week, I was blissfully unaware of what was meant to come. When it was time to leave, I was bewildered at my increasing awareness that I didn’t belong in that time; but I was pulled back by force when my ring turned sapphire.

It felt like your entire body was torn into pieces and dissolved finally, during the ‘jump’ back into real time. The physical pain didn’t even faze me as much as what I felt when I realized that I lost you.

Again.

That feeling that I knew all along how to perhaps prevent your fateful accident but wasn’t able to because I didn’t remember, was too much to bear. For months I had a full blown mental breakdown, and Dr. Francois contemplated placing me at an institution full time.

Realizing that, I tried to pull myself together and feigned recovery to get out of that unholy place. Buying it, I was released, and for a while I studied and gathered information about the ‘jump’. I found out that no matter what I do, I would never have been able to change what fate has done, because as I said, this was not time traveling. The sole thing I could do was that I could remain in that time loop, for infinity. I would have to face risking the very foundation of ‘jumping’ and eradicating an entire culture kept secret for precisely this reason.

I also found out how to control my mind during my time in the ‘jump’. It was a gamble I was willing to risk, and I would be going back to Dr. Francois in due time.

It was night when I came to. My face felt icky, and I realized it was tear stains. Reeling from my memories, I was tempted momentarily to write it off as a terrible dream or hallucinations that I had; but the gravity of the memories were too much to brush off. I held up my ring, and as if reinforcing my resolve, my once emerald ring has turned blue. I looked at it with disgust and quietly went out of bed; my intentions, crystal clear now.