Another Chance, Please.

Day 2

2nd December 2013

“It is nice to see you back –, how have you been these months?” said Dr. Francois as he beamed happily as per usual. I closed the heavy wooden door behind me and took in my surroundings warily.

The room was decorated in warm colors, the windows draped in dark colored curtains, with racks of books lined up across the walls, and a couch strategically positioned next to the fireplace; paramount of therapy sessions and designed to make clients at ease I understand, but I still couldn’t shake off a sense of discomfort whenever I came to this place, and I think most clients do too.

Ignoring Dr. Francois’s friendly gesture and warm smile, I grouchily sat at the supposedly comfortable couch. Still beaming, Dr. Francois dragged his leather chair closer towards me and continued saying “I understand from our last session that you didn’t need to come back because you said that you’ll just continue taking medications and blend into societies again. So, how was your experience so far?”

I gazed at him silently and pursed my lips, looking every bit as determined as I was the last time. As his smile slowly faded away, a flicker in his eyes showed that it finally dawned on him that I was here for that, and he curtly said “You’re here for that treatment again aren’t you?”

I nodded and Dr. Francois slowly shook his head as in disbelief that I would risk it again; he took a look into my determined expression and though incredulous, he knew that it was no use arguing with me.

He got up from his chair, massaged his temples; it was what he usually does whenever he was deep in thoughts, and paced up and down. Then, after what felt like minutes, he finally mustered his sense of speech and said “Fine. I would do it. But before that, are you truly prepared for what ensues? What is done cannot be undone. Remember what happened the last time. Is it really worth it?” his eyebrows arched, pleadingly; and for a brief moment, I flinched.

Memories of screams, sensations of prickling pain enveloping my body once again and pictures of utter hell came up my mind as I recalled what transpired; and I clenched my fists as if bracing myself for the pain when it wasn’t even administered yet.

However, thoughts of seeing your smile again, of feeling your body lying next to mine once again, were too much to let go off; and the pains of not feeling that again is even more excruciating than the pain I must feel later on.

Tears started streaming unknowingly and involuntarily as I yearned for those times again, and seeing that, Dr. Francois softened his bewildered gaze and letting go of a resigned breath, he walked up to his desk and pulled out a miniature device from his safety compartment. He gently shook the device and as if activated, it glows a brilliant blue, and Dr. Francois carefully walked towards me. Looking at the device, I had an odd mixture of both dread and bliss that I will have to face, and I had to brace myself as I involuntarily quivered. 

With a deadpan expression, Dr. Francois repeated the words that I had heard before, in a steely voice as I understand that he was nervous about this process as well; “Remember, you would only have one week prior to that event. Take this ring.” He plucked out a shining emerald ring from the device and handed it over to me.

I felt the ring in between my bony fingers; and as I gazed upon it, Dr. Francois continued, “Wear this. As the week comes to a close, the ring will gradually turn sapphire to signal your eventual return. Breaking it will result in you remaining in that time loop forever, and I know how much you probably wish for that, but bear in mind that you would be jeopardizing the fate of the entire history of cultures that we have; even our very existence. No one knows for sure what would actually happen, but it doesn’t mean we need to find that out do we? Do we?” urged Dr. Francois as he saw my hesitation at nodding to his statement.

Cornered, I nodded solemnly in agreement. Satisfied, he babbled on, “Then, I suppose you are ready for this. I hope you know what you’re doing. It’s not too late to back out now, you know?” that was his last attempt at changing my mind; but how can people talk sense to one who is deranged? Seeing my steely eyes, Dr. Francois shook his head, heaved a sigh; and said somberly “Sit still and concentrate.”

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. This wasn’t time traveling, it is similar to it, but the main difference is; I would be transported to that time with no recollection of my current memories; just memories that I had up till then. This was a practice that our people had done before in order to relive moments that they wanted, but the after effects of it is was too devastating for most of us to attempt; because we would remember everything when we came back, and when that occurs, feeling of dread and helplessness kicks in as the wounds of our hearts were re-opened and we had to face the sense of loss once again.

Thus, this traditional practice was done in utter secrecy, and it is only fate that I stumbled upon Dr. Francois.

My heart raced, and my initial resolve started to weaken; at that moment, I felt through my pockets and I found it. It was the pendant that you gave me. I focused on it, feeling the love and pain that I felt all these while, welling up within me; as Dr. Francois stabbed me in the heart with the device.