Black suits

Chapter 27 ❁ The plan

"I have to go Draco. I have to," I cried.

"No you don't!" he argued.

"If anything were to happen to you I would never live with myself okay? Do you understand the fact that if I stay here Voldemort will come for me and he'll probably kill you too. I can't stay here." 

"Perhaps you don't understand. I know two facts you seem to be forgetting. One, the Dark Lord wants to kill you. And two, my feet would not be able to find solid ground without your help which means you cannot die," he said angrily. 

"Would you wish me to stay if it meant half the school might die?"

He pressed his eyes closed tightly and took a huge breath. When he spoke again it was quieter.

"I may be the most selfish creature in the universe but I would not ask you to go even if it meant every other person on the planet were to die."

"That's foolish! That's horrible and cruel and you cannot make me stay here Draco Malfoy."

"I love you, you idiot! To whatever miserable end, I love you. You found my heart when I could not do you know how much that was for me? Do you know how absolutely lost I'd be without you!"

I paused.

To whatever miserable end.

I loved him too.

But not enough. Not enough to kill everyone else in this castle.

"I could fight him Draco. I could try to kill him."

"You'd loose."

"Maybe not with your help."

"You think I'd help you die Angel? You think I'd ever even consider it?"

"I go either way," I whispered.

His eyes closed again. I leaned forward and kissed him, as softly as I possibly could. He pulled me closer, furrowing his eyebrows. I moved so that I was sitting on his lap.

"You're breaking my heart Angel Gray," he whispered.

"Hearts are made to be broken my love. It is what makes them so strong in the end," I murmured back.

The night was whisked away from us so fast I didn't even realize it was morning until I saw the sun rising outside the window from my spot curled up in Draco's arms.

"You should go talk to Harry love," Draco suggested after breakfast. Our plan was to get Harry to help me learn to better fight since I had to do the whole Dumbledore's Army thing anyway.

I nodded and headed over to the Gryffindor table.

"Hey Harry," I said sheepishly.

"Eve!" he exclaimed. "We were all so worried about you are you okay?" 

"Fine thanks. Look Harry I have a favor to ask you but I kind of need to explain the whole story..."

❁❁❁

"That's... a lot to take in," he said nervously when I'd told him everything.

I nodded in agreement.

"I can help you but Draco can't come."

"I understand," I said. Although I didn't, in reality, understand.

We started the next morning, he informed me when we'd hugged and broken apart again. He also made sure I knew how worried Draco had been for me and how little attention he seemed to pay Astoria. I smiled at this, the fact that Harry could set aside his differences with Draco and make sure I knew I was cared for.

With a new plan, an even better one than I'd had before, beginning to form in my mind I decided a walk through the castle was the only way to clear my head and help me focus better.

I walked to the library, spending an hour or two among the stories I had yet to read. Then made my way to the grounds.

I made a mental list of everyone I cared about that I would have to say goodbye to in the end.

Dumbledore.

Hagrid.

Daphne.

Millicent.

Harry.

Ron.

Hermione.

Luna.

Draco.

Of all of the names I had to check off before I left, Draco would be the hardest.

I imagined the pained look on his face while I did what I had to. The tears that fell even while his eyes were closed. Then I imagined him opening his eyes and wondering why he was crying.

Everything in my life would fade once he opened his eyes again.

My life would end for good, even before I'd given myself over to Voldemort.

If I was lost to the people that I loved, if they saw me as a hopeless case than I was as good as dead already.

And then perhaps Luna's mother and I could connect, talk about memories, all the way up on her star that was perfectly situated above the castle at all times of the year.

At peace at last.

How was I so ready for death? For the gentle oblivion I wasn't even sure I'd slip into. Was life really so much worse than the unknown that I'm taking, the path nobody ever comes back from? Would there really be a little light or a great big expanse of darkness where my eyes can rest and my heart finally be at ease? 

These things make themselves stand out in my mind, a thousand questions and worries.

I lie to myself, tell myself I'm alright but in truth every seam that's held me together for all the years of my life was ripping, and I was on the brink of tearing too.

A/N 

And that's on mental health issues.

I know I've been doing an authors note at the end of every chapter but I have reason for it each time. This time I want to tell you that, to my excitement and nervousness, there is only two chapters left after this one and both of them will clear up what Eve's plan is.

Now on a different note.

Predictions for the future chapters? Anyone?

I got to 600 reads today and I'm so grateful to all of you! It doesn't seem like a whole lot probably but it's an insane amount for me. Especially because there are so many Draco books on Wattpad all the time.

After this book is finished would you maybe, possibly, at all, want a new book, fanfiction or otherwise, from me? 

There won't be a sequel to this book because it ends in a finality, nothing else to write after it, FINALITY NOT FATALITY BTW.

Love you brethren.

-Margo