When I Adored You (Bad Desires #1)

24

Kara kept staring at him. Her hand slipped out and the tips of her fingers touched his chin, and then his lower lip. James closed his eyes at the feeling of her touch while she continued to slip her fingers on his lips like tracing a path. He kissed her finger softly. She slipped her fingers from his hard jaw and then to his cheek.

"James." she whispered softly.

James opened his eyes when he felt her moist face snuggling in his neck, she was sobbing silently and he kept on holding her close to himself before bending down to kiss the top of her head,

"Everything will be fine. I will make everything alright. I promise."

"You will not leave me, right?" she murmured.

"Not even if you beg me to."

Kara pulled her face back and looked up at him and shook her head softly and said in a slurred tone,

"I am dreaming. When the morning comes, the dream will be over."

James felt helpless in front of her. When her sobbing subsided, she whispered,

"Mama put my hand in Damon's and asked him to marry me."

James suddenly stopped breathing at her words. His heart in his chest tightened in an extremely painful way while Kara, unknown to his reaction continued speaking,

"I wish you were there. Mama chose Damon for me. She was not even breathing properly." a sob escaped Kara's lips, "she... she told Damon... to take care of me and marry me."

With her each word, James felt his heart tearing apart in many pieces. Now he realized why she had left the country suddenly, why she had started hating him, and why... why she had agreed to marry Damon.

"At first... when I left... I thought you will come for me. " she murmured, her voice hoars and heavy, "I thought I will fight with you and make you beg. You... you were not there when my mama and dad died. I was always there for you, right? I stayed by you... fought with even Damon and your parents and my parents and everyone else for you. I thought that was enough... to make you love me."

James choked, "I did lo..." but Kara continued without stopping,

"Sometimes I thought I saw you in the crowd. I would run through it to search for you madly," Kara laughed a little, "for like... a year... I would run and grab the shoulder of the person who looked like you and... and then apologize, turn back and walk away hurriedly... embarrassed, and... and crying because it was never you. You broke me. Completely." her voice turned almost inaudible, 

"Three years... Damon, and learning to realize that you are never going to be there for me is what it took to almost forget you existed. I don't... even know why I am alive. When I stared at the stars in those years, I looked for mama and dad and begged them to take me to them as well. But even... even they did not listen to me. Maybe they were also indifferent to my love like you."

James grabbed her chin and made her look up at his face, his eyes were filled with tears for the first time in his life. He grabbed her closer, making her body crushed against his chest, he hugged her fiercely like trying to assure himself that she was still there. 

"I would have died with you if anything would have happened to you, Kara. I need you to live." his face was mere an inch away from hers. She stared into his eyes like searching for something.  

James had realized that he had made the biggest mistake of his life. In those vulnerable moments, he had chosen to be like his father, focused on the business instead of being with the one he loved. Saving Kara's property had been important, but he knew he had deliberately ignored being with her, fearing to be delicate with her in front of his family because he was afraid they were going to keep him and Kara apart. They hated him, after all. They loved Damon, but he... he was just a problematic child in the family who had grown up to be a man with anger issues. He had feared of coming out with his love for Kara. He had feared of them snatching Kara away from him. He had been a coward, fearing for something that was never as important as Kara.

Then the three years in which she disappeared completely out of his life, he let her go and waited for her to come back to him like she always did instead of going after her and bringing her back at any cost. He should have tried harder to find her, he knew he should have done everything to be with her but his own insecurities about their relationship, his own pride held him back. He... he did not give back the love that he received from Kara. He did not return the kind of love she had for him. Not even an ounce. 

She was right. She had always been there for him in every moment of his life unconditionally. Without any fear, and guilt. She had accepted him completely the way he was and he... he built up walls and found his own stupid reasons for not accepting their relationship completely.

"I am sorry." the tears in his eyes slipped down as he cried, "I am so fucking sorry, Kara."

Kara closed her eyes. She could not bear to see him in anguish. Her face getting buried in his neck as he put his palm on the back of her head, clutching her body tightly to his chest while his tears fell on the mattress beneath them.

*******

Precap of Next Chapter:::

Ignoring the voicemails and missed calls, Kara opened the messages. Her eyes instantly widened as she found Damon's messages filling up her screen completely,

"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU TELL JAMES???"

"TAKE THE FUCKING CALL, DAMN IT!"

She scrolled down to the last message and all the air inside her her lungs left immediately,

"James has destroyed everything." 

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