My Blossoming Redemption

THIRTY-EIGHT

"I agree with the principle that you needed to atone for your sin—"

"You're not Catholic, Dad. You don't do atonement and don't pretend you do. You just didn't want to stand up to her, did you?" I snap. When Dad doesn't answer, I carry on. "Joel and I were never in love with each other. We were eighteen for goodness' sake, we cared for each other. We... I thought I loved him, but I never realised until recently that the love we had wasn't proper romantic love. He got back with his ex a year ago and now she's pregnant—"

"Even though he had this genetic disease?" Dad questions.

"Yes, Dad. Both Gabriel and this baby could have it, but they won't know until they're eighteen, unless the unborn baby gets tested before birth," I sigh. "Either way, we clearly didn't love each other. Divorce is what we needed, if he hadn't died, of course. Your... meddling didn't work and was never going to; you can't just force people to love each other. If I did believe in God, I certainly would find it hard to believe He would accept two people being forced into holy matrimony."

Dad sighs and takes another drink. When he puts it back on the table, he starts lightly clinking his wedding ring against the glass. It starts making a beat of angst in time with the pounding of my heart.

Talking about Gabriel in front of Nick is awkward, and as I look at him beside me, I can tell he's feeling it as well. He's drumming his leg on the floor and his hands are rubbing together in his lap. He hates this as much as I do.

"I guess what happened, happened, and now you have to move forward, don't you?" Dad answers. "I'm sorry that we... forced it upon you, Aspen. I don't think your mother will ever accept responsibility for her part in it. You know what she's like, but on my part, I apologise. It's been clear with Joel's actions, and how you actually applied for the divorce that we were wrong. We... especially your mother, thought we were doing the right thing. It's like history repeating itself."

Tears drop down my face like raindrops on a window. "You have... no idea how long I've waited for that. All I've ever wanted is an apology, Dad. Some sort of recognition of the pain you both put me and Joel through."

It falls silent and my dad's words tumble around my brain like clothes in a washing machine on spin, replaying and washing my brain of the hurt and pain the last two years have caused. He mentioned history repeating itself. I don't understand how, but right now, I keep my mouth closed.

"What is next, Aspen?" Dad asks eventually. I sniffle the rest of my tears away and savour that apology in my memory for later when I can bring it back like a cherished photograph.

"Well, I'm renting this place out to Joel's... girlfriend. She has nowhere to go, and she's due a baby so I'm renting it out to her, and I'm moving in with Nick," I admit.

"Are you two... together?" Dad asks.

"Yes," Nick answers, the first time he's said anything. "It was my idea."

"I assume Mum won't want to know?" I question bitterly. "Should I be in a period of mourning or something?"

"Aspen, come on," Dad sighs. "I know you must hold a grudge, but in her own way she loves you and you know that."

"Dad, her response to her son-in-law dying is to blank me and have you apologise for her absence because she is devastated. Her response to me getting pregnant accidentally was to force me into a marriage. A pregnancy that could've been avoided if either of you provided me with basic sex education."

He sighs and nods. "I agree. I agree with both sides Aspen, and I admit I should've been louder in having an opinion. But what's done is done."

I nod, biting my tongue. There's no point in fighting anymore, no point rehashing it. If Joel's illness and death havetaught me anything, it's that I should look to the future, not going over the past.