𝐓𝐄𝐀𝐂𝐇 ME|| 𝐓IMOTHÉE 𝐂HALAMET

17 || a month of heaven

November

"You are so beautiful." We were sat across the table from each other, Timothée and I, my hair was soaking wet from having ran in the rain from the metro to his house. I rolled my eyes at him. I had spent two weeks over at his apartment.

We'd found a little sanctuary for the two of us to exist in blissfully unaware of the world outside. I'd go to school in the day, he'd read scripts and call his agent and then we'd meet up for lunch on less busy days or he'd cook dinner for us once I got home.

Timothée had protected me from the outside world as much as he could. 

He understood why I wouldn't let him pick me up from uni, or why I preferred staying in if we wanted to act like a couple. It was odd, I loved showing him affection but the fear of being exposed gripped me tighter than I had expected.

I hadn't had another panic attack luckily, but that's because we had been hiding from both of our realities in a way. We still were ourselves in front of friends, just not so much in public.

With T, I always felt understood, especially in terms of my anxiety. He looked at me with love. We hadn't spoken those emotions out loud, or even established our relationship but it didn't need that I suppose - it was perfect just the way it was, back then.

He had bought hope back into my life in the most unexpected way imaginable. He challenged me and always had an idealistic approach to offer. He encouraged me to open up to him, and for him I was really trying. Bit by bit.

I loved our little talks about nothing or when he'd get excited about a script and start pacing around his living room like a maniac, eager for me to hear him.

Sometimes, when he was reading lines so heartbreaking I had to stop myself and look at the rain on the windows and the way it blurred those city lights. Hoping to stop myself from feeling so much heartbreak at the sight of him hurt, even if he was acting, that I'd run to him and hold him.

He will always be my favourite actor I think.

"You're going back to New York tomorrow right?" I asked. Again, here came reality meddling in between us.

"Yup, but you're coming out at Christmas right? So it won't be long before we're back together again." He tried to smile at me to reassure me. It wasn't that I didn't trust him, I didn't trust myself.

"We'll be fine." I spoke, mostly to myself yet only aloud. He reached his hand across the table and brushed my fingers with his thumb.

I couldn't look at his eyes then, they would've confirmed what I already knew I felt, so instead, I remember I looked at his windows again.

"I miss England." I admitted, remembering the rain that was so harsh it felt like it left bruises.

"I can't wait for you to show me everything." He came over and pulled me onto the sofa with him, my head lay on his chest as he held me. His voice was so comforting, I thought then and there - this is the only voice I wish to hear forever.

"Grandma will love you." I could hear him grin. "Everyone does." I paused and closed my eyes.

"I love Paris, and I love rain here but I really wish I could take you home right now, even just for an hour. I wish you'd be able to see everything I have and let me know what your mind thinks."

"What's wrong?" He asked. "Isn't this home?" He bought my face to his, his eyes kind as always. "I miss New York too sometimes, but I know that what we have, is much more than just a place." I closed my eyes finding peace with his words. He kissed my head.

The next morning I watched T get ready and helped him pack, I folded everything wrong, like a child hoping he'd throw in the towel and stay.

But I knew that was selfish, he missed his family and he had so many opportunities waiting for him - even back then. On the way to the airport he held me to him in the taxi. His head disappearing into my neck. I drank in all the tangerines I could before he'd be gone. Too soon.

"I'm going to miss you." I said, like a fool.

"Who me?" He tried to joke but his voice sounded a little pathetic, laced with a little pain. I nudged him, he pulled me to his chest and kissed my head, sighing. "God you have no idea how much I'll miss you Cara."

Hearing him say my name. The feeling of such beautiful moments becoming memories and the fear of everything slipping away created a few tears.

"Call me this time okay?" I tried to joke back at him. He kissed me.

His eyes looked heavy, but when he met his with mine he smiled and such a sight caused the immediate same in myself.

A curl fell astray. I tucked it back for him and he brushed his hands through my hair. We sighed.

"Okay, you've got to go." I pulled myself together.

"Why do I feel like this is goodbye?" I asked.

He shook his head with a smirk.

"Cara, this is far from a goodbye. Do you really think I'd let this be our goodbye?"

He kissed me with all the passion of our first and yet all the desperation of the possibility of it being our last.

I grinned at him. "So this is 'see you soon'?" I asked. He nodded. I breathed tangerines for one last time.

He picked up his bags and started to walk. I tried to do the same.

I heard his voice call out to me. "See you at Christmas!"

By the time I turned around to smile, he was gone.

800 Reads wtf?! Thank you so so much xxx

I'm sorry I haven't written much this week I've been so busy!!! But I'm back on it now. I promise ;)

I'm going to make a playlist, a better cover and a moodboard to help you guys get into the vibesss I'm going for, and help you romanticise little Timmy T.

I'm planning on flipping between years every 20 chapters I'm not sure, let me know any ideas, suggestions etc. I love hearing from you guys so so so much!

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Mwah xo