My Blossoming Redemption

THIRTY-SEVEN

The last message from Nick was him going to speak to his parents about me, tomorrow. On the distinct condition that if Summer accepts the flat, and his parents aren't against me, I'd move in with him.

It seems my whole life right now is waiting; waiting for a train that keeps getting delayed, waiting at the traffic lights. My life is teetering on the edge and slows down completely – like watching a car hanging on the edge of a cliff with people in it, like that moment where you know you're going to fall over but want the illusion of trying to stop yourself.

I'm here now, this is my standstill. I've lost Joel, I've lost my marriage, and I'm waiting for my life to start again, but I'm stuck on that pause screen and the batteries have run out in the remote.

My phone buzzes – that little heavenly sound and I see Summer's name light up my screen. One out of three isn't bad I suppose.

"Summer?" I answer.

"Hey, Aspen. Can we meet in an hour?" she asks. She gives me the name of the coffee shop and I hang up to get ready.

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I feel like coffee shops are neutral ground, a bit like No Man's Land. Though No Man's Land was that in World War One because it was the area between trenches no one wanted to cross for fear of being taken or killed. I guess that's a bit of a stretch, but as I sit opposite Summer, I know I'm not going to get killed or taken hostage. But I guess the coffee shop acts as a neutral ground for us where nothing can get too heated or emotional.

"How are you doing?" I ask.

"I'm doing... okay, I guess. I'm still trying to get my head around all of this. He didn't tell me about his condition, so when Monica told me, it was just a lot to take in, and of course, now I'm pregnant it... it makes it harder," she answers.

"Monica told you. Joel didn't tell you he was ill?" I question. "Summer... how much involvement did Monica have?"

She smirks before answering, "Too much involvement if you ask me. He told me that he told his mum that he hated being married because of the way you two got together. She was the one who told him to have an affair and she'd sort of act as a third party to make sure nothing bad happened. He told her too much if you ask me, we were fine the way we were without her butting in all the time. She phoned me two days after the diagnosis. I didn't realise I was pregnant for like two weeks after that, I just... I don't know, she's just always lurking."

I nod and take a sip of my coffee. "It confused me how she encouraged me to divorce him and find happiness with Nick. Then when I found out she knew about you and Joel, it suddenly fell into place."

"I know what I did with Joel was wrong—"

"Summer, it was never the affair that made me angry, it was his lying. If he'd come to me when he met you and told me the truth, I wouldn't have liked it, but I probably would've been receptive to divorce easier. I'd like to think if he'd told me the truth, I would've realised quicker, and he would've gotten the divorce he wanted."

"I'm sorry," she whispers.

"You don't need to apologise. I get it."

She smiles at me. "For what it's worth, he did love you. He told me he loved you, but he just wasn't in love with you."

Her words rain down on me like snow – freezing cold, wet and yet strangely calming. I always knew he cared, but to know that he did love me... well, it's a nice comfort.