Maybe, Someday

Seven

PRESENT DAY:

I didn't think it would feel this way. I didn't think walking away from him would hurt this much. I don't even know how I managed to get through that speech or even make it through my front door.

The house was quiet and reminded me of how much I hated being alone. Usually on Friday nights I would spend the evening watching romantic comedy's with Patrick cuddled up in front of the TV, Sam would come home in the early hours of the morning and the three of us would have a lounge room sleep out, then I would leave for work from their place the next morning. It was one of the ways I had been able to keep up my close friendships with Sam and Pat, that and our Sunday family afternoons. Nova loved Sam and Pat of course it didn't hurt that they had spoilt her rotten.
I thought about Nova, it had been a hard road to get to where we were. After Lucas left us I had depended on so many people to help me through it. My Parents, Sam, Dane and even my brother Brodie had been the people to pull me up and keep me together, keep me moving forward. I think that's what makes this so much harder now - a promise I made to myself 4 years ago to stop being so dependent on others.

I had thought once that Lucas was the love of my life, but the thought was fleeting, literally just a small moment in time because I truly knew better. He was so handsome and confident when we first met, the polar opposite in his looks to Maddox - with his blonde hair and green eyes, his build was tall and trim though he was a swimmer so he was big across the shoulders.
Our relationship was a whirlwind and looking back now I know it was for all the wrong reasons. He was in his final year of law school when we met. He wanted a wife, someone that was committed to him - it made him look like his life was stable - it made him seem like a good person to pick for a position in a corporate firm, someone with a wife, with a family that promoted stability, it would keep him loyal to any business that offered him an attractive salary and healthy benefits, As for me, I just wanted, I needed someone to take away the pain of everything I had lost.
Don't get me wrong, a part of me loved him absolutely - but we were young and made choices we weren't ready for.
People have asked me if I hate him - not at all. He was scared, he had no idea what we were getting into and I guess running away was his way of dealing.
I don't regret any part of my life with Lucas, but I worry that there will come a time when Nova starts asking questions about her father - and those are questions I just don't have an answer for.

My phone rang, breaking me out of these thoughts, I took a few deep breaths before answering,

"Hey gorgeous, shouldn't you be working?"

"Probably, besides I'm on a break"

"So call your boyfriend"

"He's next on my list, actually I wasn't expecting you to even answer - wasn't your big date night tonight?"

"Yeah" I paused, pinching the skin at the bridge of my nose to stop from crying,

"Mila? Are you ok? Do you need me to leave work and come over or I can ask Patrick to come over?"

"No Sam, I'm fine, I just need a minute"

"So it didn't go well then?"

"No, it was great actually. God Sam everything with him is always really great"

"So what's the problem then?"

"He doesn't fit Sam, where on earth would I make time for him, between Nova and work I just couldn't make it work, He wouldn't be my first priority and he'd hate me for it"

"Mila, shouldn't he be the one to make that choice"

"Agh, aren't you meant to be on my side?"

"I am on your side, always, but there is no way I want you to go through this life alone Mila. Don't get me wrong you will always, always have a place with Pat and I but you need someone who is yours - someone to come home to, someone to fall asleep with and wake up next to"

"Sam"

"Yeah"

"What if I tell him and he hates me, what if he finds out and blames himself or blames me"

"Do you really think that would happen Mila?? Do you really think that after all this time he has appeared back in your life and he is going to throw it all away because of something neither of you have any control over that happened however many years ago"

"No, I don't really think that"

"Look Mila, I don't like the guy but my spite for him comes from the story you told me about a 19 year old kid running away from the woman he supposedly loved that he had promised a forever too. It doesn't mean you can't have a future with him, if that is what you really want"

"Thank you Sam"

"What I'm here for gorgeous, you want me to come over when I've finished?"

"Nah, I'm going to go to bed, I'll see you at work tomorrow"

"Ok baby, love you girl"

"Love you too Sam"

For all his words Sam kind of had a point. Maybe I was too quick to dismiss things with Maddox. Maybe I had shut this down way to quickly, but changing my life, making room for Maddox, it came with some big decisions, some huge choices and one massive conversation.
But that could wait, tonight I would go to bed and dream of him.