Lost (TommyInnit Fanfiction -Angst/Hurt Comfort)

Chapter 6: Escape

A/N: So sorry for the long wait, I had a final school deadline and tons of work to do so had no time to focus on anything else! But now that's over I am able to come back to this, hope you enjoy :) (also warning- includes violence/blood/swearing)

Tubbo stared at the Minecraft server screen intensely. His heart hammered in his chest and he tried to take a deep breath to calm himself as his eyes rested on one particular server. The Dream SMP. His mouse slowly moved to hover over it, before he sharply threw himself back into his chair and brought his hands up to his head in frustration. Why was he doing this, he couldn't bring himself to go back on there. It was too painful. Tubbo was scared, scared of how empty it would be. It would slap it right in his face with the fact Tommy was gone, and that he could be gone forever. He had been in a constant struggle with his mind over the past few days, clinging onto last strands of hope and convincing himself they would find him. Yet the other negative thoughts would slowly creep in, and begin to take over. He didn't want to lose that hope. 

He was then reminded of when he face timed Will the other day. He had always been so supportive and encouraging to him, Phil too. But on that call, Will had looked so drained, he had heavy bags under his eyes and his skin was pale. Tubbo was sure he hadn't slept properly in a while, and the corners of his eyes were always tinted red from tears. It really hurt to see his friends like that, and it was really scary. Because they were all slipping...

Tubbo took a shaky breath and peered back at his screen with some new found resolve. He wanted to fight these fears, to go against them no matter how many times he felt like giving up. Maybe he could give the others some strength back too. 

Leaning back towards his computer, he readjusted his mouse and after a tense pause, clicked join world. 

As the Dream SMP loaded around him, he found his in game character beside the destroyed L'manberg. Swiveling his character to look around nervously he quietly took his surroundings in again. Despite everything, it did feel nice to be on again, and he began to mindlessly wander through the server. He was surprised to find that for once his mind was clear, it was like coming on was a huge release of stress, and he felt calm. Something deep inside still felt off though, it was almost a numb feeling, like his brain was blocking all thoughts and emotions out.

Some time passed of him aimlessly hopping and jumping around, letting himself zone out. His character's head was directed downwards as he moved so he wasn't sure where he exactly was now. Eventually, he came to a fork in the path and veered left but then stopped very abruptly. Something about this path felt very familiar. Moving his character's head back up he was met with none other than Tommy's house, and to the other side, the bench looking out onto the server. Had he just subconsciously traveled over to it without realising? 

 It was nothing like any of the other houses, some would even argue calling it a house, considering it was mostly just a hole dug into a hill and was made from patches of dirt and cobble. But that small pile of dirt and cobble was a very special place, filled with countless moments he had spent with his friend together. That's when the numbness faded and tears began to prick at his eyes as everything sunk in. He slowly approached the house and opened the doors, imagining Tommy logging on to meet him like things were normal again. He longed for that so much. He took another shaky sigh, and sat and thought to himself for a while before he suddenly had an idea. 

Rummaging in the chests, he found a book and turned it into a book and quill, he then placed a chest down in the center of the room with a sign that simply read 'For Tommy.'

He opened the book, staring at the blank page and the flashing dash waiting for him to type. He let out a frustrated yell and rubbed his hands against his temples. This is stupid. Your childish. You think this will magically make him come back? You're just writing a message to him to try and pretend you think he will come back. You know he wont. He'll never see this. Stop trying to believe it will be normal again. You're helpless. This is just you giving yourself closure, acceptance that he's-