Battle of intentions

12. My father is a rapist

"It has only been twice, I'm sure it won't be such a quick tell." Nora replied mindfully.

"Once was enough to drive me off the roof."

She turned around to look at me weirdly before turning back to Lou. "You're too open."

"I like to be straightforward."

We awkwardly stared at each other then away. Not knowing what else could be said.

—

The ride was long and harrowing but having Nora to keep me company was more than enough to keep me at bay. She spoke about her aunt with so much adoration. I wondered what life had been for her before London... I'd finally be able to walk in her shoes. She couldn't hide her excitement, it rubbed onto me too. Suddenly I was excited. She spoke of the famous interracial couple that had caused so much outrage and gossip all over England.

"I haven't met their new addition to the family, I'm so glad. I get to finally meet him or her."

"You must love kids..." I replied, puffing away a cigarette. I had not had one in a while, I tried to limit it to once a day as opposed to when I'd have it atleast four times a day. There was no point in keeping healthy for a child I'd never have. I also found it hard to believe that smoking was the cause of my infertility. Perhaps I was just unlucky or very very lucky in any case, it did not bother me as much as it did in the past. Sure, I'd never have a child of my own but I could have countless sexual encounters with no worries.

"You do not?" She flipped the question back to me. She was so dramatic covering Lewis with a blanket all because I had decided to smoke in the carriage. Dramatic or too caring, it was all the same.

"I do have one so I'm forced to. All in all I'm indifferent to kids. They're adorable but also a nuisance. I like kids but I do not love kids."

"You will love Christian, he is very funny and charismatic."

"The mulatto?"

"Hugh!"

"What?"

"Do not call him that."

"A simple question that's all." I shrugged, uninterested.

"What else happens on plantations besides the obvious?"

"Church."

"I see..."

"If you had not came to London what would you be doing?"

Nora smiled at the thought as if thinking. She then turned back to me and said. "Married, pregnant, working as a servant in the Gallagher mansion." At the thought, an uncomfortable feeling sat on my chest making me cough almost choking from the amount of tobacco I had inhaled.

"Would you like that?"

She paused for a moment then briskly mumbled, "I would." There was a small smile on her lips, I could tell someone was on her mind. There had to be someone. She refused to make eye contact with me.

"What's his name?" I asked, a part of me hoped for her to deny my suspicions. I hoped to be wrong.

She smiled broadly then turned to look away. "He is not anything to me."