In This City

Chapter 23

I pressed my finger's to my mouth trying to stop the sob from coming through them. I quickly wiped my tears keeping my head down. I could actually feel my chest cave in. I really felt like this was it for Luke and our relationship. I thought we would move in together and get married and live happily ever after. I was more mad at myself for letting myself be so blind and naive. I right away just let him back into my life and I thought things were amazing. I guess things were just going to good for me. 

"I don't think I had that big of a problem." I whispered, stuttering over my words as I cried. 

"You had to get your stomach pumped! Twice!" Luke shouted making me jump. Ashton rubbed my back as I cried. 

"And you never thought to mention your concerns before this? I haven't even had a sip of alcohol since that happened!" I grabbed a few tissues off the coffee table to wipe my eyes. 

"Cause we took all of the alcohol out of the apartment." He fought back. From that moment, I promised myself that I would never take a sip of alcohol ever again. Hell, I would never even buy it again. "I love you, I really do, I want to be with you. But I'm sick of fighting battles with you." This was the first time I had heard of us fighting any battles. We hadn't even so much as bickered since getting back together. 

I could tell how quickly I was breathing and how fast my heart was pumping but I couldn't calm myself down. I had no idea that it had been such a big deal to Luke. So much so that he wanted to break up with me. I never wanted to be the person to cause him any type of heartache. 

Madison came up with a plan of care. And I agreed to talk to a therapist at her office. I went to my room as soon as she left. I wanted to be alone but knew the guys would never allow that. Luke came into the bedroom behind me as I prepared to get in the shower. 

"I was serious." 

"I know." I mumbled. I would give them whatever they wanted. I would go to the therapist, I would do anything. I didn't want to lose Luke. I closed the bathroom door so I could strip and get in it without anyone bothering me. I let the hot water relax me but no matter what, my mind was racing. They were never going to believe me when I said I was fine. 

Once I had scorched my skin to the point where I felt like it may fall off, I got out. I dried myself, did my face routine, and got dressed. I walked back into the kitchen where the guys were eating and got myself a bowl. I decided to take mine back to my room. 

"McKinley, wait." 

"I wanna be alone." I grabbed a water bottle from the fridge as I headed to my room. I sat in the dark with just the tv on, watching Supernatural while I ate. Once I was done, I chugged the water and laid down under the covers. 

I had no idea where my relationship with any of them stood at this moment. I don't know if I was still Luke's girlfriend. I don't know if Calum and Ashton still wanted to be my friends. I knew nothing. And it was killing me inside. 

I laid there for what seemed like hours before the door swung open. 

"You awake?" Ashton asked. 

"Yeah." I said back laying on my stomach looking at the wall. 

"Luke and Calum left." This was the first time since we got back together that Luke didn't want to stay the night with me. "Figured you could use a friend." He slowly came into the room, waiting for my permission to let him lay with me and when I didn't say anything, he got under the covers and laid facing me. "He's just worried." 

"He wants to break up." Over something that isn't even a problem. 

"No he doesn't. He just said that to scare you into getting better."