Kiss It Better, Dr. Ross

Alternate Ending: Explanation

"I should," he jerked a thumb at the front door. "I should get going then."

"Right," Brendon replied with a fake smile. "Thanks for checking up on me."

"Yeah," Ryan whispered. He stood a little longer before slowly heading to the door. "Bye then." Brendon stayed in his spot, watching as Ryan left. Before walking out, Ryan looked back and opened his mouth to say something, but changed his mind and nodded in goodbye instead.

Brendon leaned against the wall to support his aching body once the door closed. That was his chance he repeated to himself. That was his chance and he let it get away. He turned to head back to his room when there was a knock on the door. He looked at the entrance confused until there was another quick, desperate knock. He moved to the door, slowly pulling it open.

"I lied," Ryan rushed out before the door was even fully opened. Brendon didn't even have a chance to feel relieved at seeing Ryan back.

"What?"

"I want to talk about what happened." Brendon stood shocked for a moment before moving aside to let Ryan back in. The two made their way to the couch. They didn't say anything as they sat on opposite ends of the couch. Brendon watched Ryan bouncing his knees like crazy, waiting for him to say something.

"I miss you," the man started off. Brendon didn't react, too shocked to do or say anything. He honestly didn't think he'd hear those words after all he'd done. "And I want to be with you." There was a small crack at the end of Ryan's voice. Brendon realized that the man wasn't looking at him and it made him want to look into Ryan's eyes more. "But it's hard to do that when I know you're gonna leave me."

"Ryan," Brendon started in a soft voice.

"Please reconsider," Ryan cut him off. Brendon bit his lip, hoping the pain would distract him enough so he wouldn't cry. "Please," he begged. Ryan finally looked up, revealing a stream of tears sliding down his cheeks. Brendon looked away, not being able to handle how much he was hurting the other.

"I can't," Brendon whispered. Ryan moved forward and took Brendon's hands in his own.

"We can be together again. Please. I need you." Brendon squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head. "I'll be there every step of the way and we can be happy together." Brendon let out a little sob when he felt Ryan kiss their joined hands. "Please, Bren."

"Why can't you accept my decision?" Brendon let out in a soft voice.

"Why? Because I love you," Ryan said as if it were obvious. Brendon knew that. How could he not, but that fact only made this all the more painful. "I. Love. You," Ryan repeated more slowly. "Is it so bad that I don't want to lose the man I'm in love with?" Brendon shook his head again. He couldn't say anything. No matter the words, it would only hurt. This wasn't fair. They were both in so much pain and it was all his fault.

"This isn't fair Ryan. You can't ask me to change my mind after this long."

"But why," Ryan let out weakly. "Why are you just giving up on everything? Giving up on us." Brendon tried to pull his hands out of Ryan's but the man's grip was too strong. "Did the time we spent together mean nothing to you?"

"Let go," Brendon cried.

"Was I just some way to pass the time?" Brendon kept trying to jerk away.

"Please stop," he begged.

"I need to know Brendon."

"I can't live like this anymore!" Brendon stopped struggling and slumped forward onto Ryan and broke down crying. "I can't keep going on feeling this empty. I feel like I've already died." Ryan cautiously wrapped his arms around the other.