A Court of Darkness and Melodies

Chapter 4

She walked to his door to make it seem like she came to get him and was not snooping. Wiping her eyes quickly, she knocked on his door lightly and spoke quietly. Kindly. "Azriel?" 

When he didn't answer, she almost walked away to give him his privacy. She had taken a step back preparing to tell Nesta and Emerie her ears were just playing tricks on her when the door opened. Azriel stood there, dressed this time, his clothes rumpled. Gwyn looked up and saw his red eyes. Her heart broke for him there and then and she almost hugged him. Almost. She still couldn't touch a male without memories of her night in Sangravah bubbling up.

"Emerie, Nesta and I wanted to go shopping for Nesta's mating ceremony, and we were wondering if you could fly us d-down to Velaris." Her voice broke as she met his swollen eyes again. She could see that he not been crying but that his eyes were red with pain and no sleep.

Azriel nodded. "I'll be there in ten minutes." He said quietly, his voice hoarse. He started to close the door when Gwyn unintentionally blurted out "Wait!"

She didn't know what had overcome her to say that and he paused, his hand on the door.

"I uh.. I just wanted to-" She shrugged helplessly and, summoning courage, reached out a hand and brushed her fingers across the burns on his hand that was on the door. It seemed to say enough. Azriel flinched as if someone had hit him, and Gwyn drew back her hand hastily, drawing her eyes down

"I'm sorry." She said quietly, still looking down and not meeting his eyes, and before he could say something, Gwyn turned away and practically flew down the hallway. Only once she heard the door to his room close did she slow down. Putting a hand on her racing heart, Gwyn leaned against the wall in the hallway, Azriel's grief-stricken voice singing those same words in her head again and again.

I wish that I was good enough.

Gwyn tried to calm her racing heart, his beautiful voice stuck in her head. She had never heard a voice like that before. 

I wish you cared a little more.

Gwyn saved these little snippets of his voice in her mind, his voice playing again and again, until her heart calmed down. She wiped her sweaty hands on her blue robe and summoned a shaky smile to her face before she walked back into the dining room to Nesta and Emerie laughing together.

"Azriel's home!" She said, faking her enthusiasm, still a little shaken up. Nesta and Emerie jumped up excitedly. 

"He'll be joining us  in a few minutes." She added, walking to stand on the balcony. Nesta and Emerie followed her and they stood in companionable silence looking over the span of Velaris for a while until the shadowsinger arrived. 

Gwyn looked up at him when she heard his soft footsteps but he didn't meet her eyes. His own were dark and shadowed but there was no sign of his earlier anguish; no hint of it left on his face.

Since Azriel could only fly them down one by one, Nesta went first, followed by Emerie, and then finally Gwyn. When she saw Azriel flying upward to come and get her, she started backing away. Maybe she couldn't do this. She couldn't face the crowds on the streets of Velaris, nor could she face the eyes of the gawking men. But mostly, she knew she couldn't face Azriel's hands all over her body.

Azriel landed smoothly on the balcony and held out his scarred hands. Gwyn gulped. I can do this, she told herself. She was a Valkyrie who defeated the Blood Rite, who killed the men who believed they could take liberties. She was Gwyneth Berdara and she was not gonna be afraid.

Gathering her courage, she walked towards him. Azriel gave her an encouraging nod to which she smiled weakly.

"May I?" He asked her, his voice quiet and his hands held out before him. Before Gwyn could chicken out she nodded yes.

Slowly, Azriel put one hand flat on her back and bent down to slide the other across the back of her knees. 

Gwyn started shaking, memories of that miserable night brought up. Azriel hesitated. He hadn't even picked her up yet and she was shaking as if she was gonna pass out. 

Slowly, fingers shaking, she slid an arm around the back of his neck and, taking that as encouragement, Azriel picked her up and pulled her against his warm, hard body. Gwyn swallowed. 

"Okay?" He asked, and she breathed in his cedar scent slowly. In. Out. In. Out. "Yes." She whispered against his neck. Azriel clutched onto her tighter and without any further warning shot up into the air.

As soon as Azriel jumped into the sky, Gwyn squealed loudly, throwing both arms around his neck and burying her head in his chest. Azriel's arm tightened around her back as he glided into an updraft. Gwyn slowly raised her head, and as the wind flew her red hair across her face and the whole span of Velaris passed beneath her feet, Gwyn's memories of that night vanished.

For the first time in a very long time she felt free.

"Hold on." Azriel murmured and before she could ask why he let them fall and swerved into the wind as they came closer to the ground. Feeling her stomach drop into her feet, Gwyn started to laugh in delight. She could feel Azriel's surprise at her reaction and she looked into his face to see his mouth turned up at the corners in the barest of smiles. He looked towards her and their eyes met, teal clashing with hazel. His own eyes were shadowed and only that was when Gwyn realized how close her face was to the elegant planes of his. 

Her wide grin faded into a small smile as she stared at his gorgeous face. Time seemed to stop as they stared at each other in the middle of the sky. She squeezed him lightly but pain flashed across his face like it had in the dining room earlier. She frowned as he turned his eyes away and before she could ask him what was wrong they reached the ground. 

Azriel's landing was as smooth as his flight but Gwyn's knees still buckled as her feet made contact with the ground. Gwyn looked back at Azriel to thank him but his face had closed up again and without saying anything, he shot up into the air. By the time Gwyn yelled out "Thank you!", he was already a black speck in the sky.

Gwyn pulled up her priestesses' hood over her head hastily as she realized that she was finally in the city and as Nesta and Emerie came up and stood on each of her sides protectively, Gwyn smiled brightly at both of them. 

But there was a hole in her heart. Whether it was because of the shadowsinger's pained face or his singing, Gwyn didn't know.

The only two lines she had heard him sing played in her mind repeatedly all day and she cherished them as if they were a small treasure she couldn't bear to forget.

Word Count: 1925

Oh my gawdd Azriel singing can u imagine?! And in pain, oh god..

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