The Other Side of Normal.

Chapter 11: Growing Up

        The soft buzz of my phone awakens me and I sit up quickly, taking in the dark foreign room surrounding me. I take inventory of all the exits and objects placed within my reach that could be used as a defense weapon. Straining my hearing, I listen for the sound of anyone in the room. I quickly catch sight of two large, red suitcases on the floor and all of a sudden all of the events from last night hit me and I almost fall backwards due to the intensity of the realization. I recover swiftly, though, and climb off the bed to check on Taya. She lay swaddled on the floor in her bundle just as I had left her last night and I smile at the sight of the drool on her face.

        Walking to the small bathroom in the room, I look at my reflection in the cracked mirror. Dark circles have made refuge under my eyes, and my hair sticks out on one side while the other side lays matted against my head. Looking down at the sink, I turn on the faucet and sigh in relief when the water runs clean. I cup my hands together to form a little bowl of sorts and splash my face with the water, then dry it with the hem of my top most layer of shirts.

        Going back into the bedroom, I grab a tooth brush and toothpaste, quickly brushing my teeth, then brushing through my hair with my fingers. I pull it up into a messy bun and look back into the mirror. That's as good as it's gonna get today, folks.

        I pull off a couple layers of shirts, and pants, so that I now remain in a red "Coca-Cola" t-shirt and black joggers. So today is going to be a bum day, I think to myself. Running a tub, I walk back to the bedroom and wake Taya up by softly singing a song in her ear.

        "Amazing grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me..." I silently laugh to myself about the irony of the situation and the song. Although I have freed myself and Taya, for now at least, we are always going to be bound in chains with the thought of our father trying to get us back. All that matters right now, is getting ourselves as far out of the life we had merely hours ago.

        Taya begins to stir and wraps her little arms around my neck. Kissing her cheek, I pick her up after unwrapping her from her bundle. she wraps her body around me and lays her head on my shoulder as I carry her to the bathroom. Eyeing the tub, the water spews out a questionable murky green and countless... things... float in the water. And now that I notice it, there's a condom stuck up the faucet of the tub.

        Quickly rethinking my decision to bathe Taya, I place her on the sink counter top and take a hand towel from under the sink and wet it, wiping off the dried drool from her chin. I then wipe her cheeks and the sleep from her eyes, all the while continuing to hum. Too lazy to make another trip into the bedroom, I have Taya use my tooth brush while I comb through her soft curls with my fingers.

        "I get to use big girl toothpaste. I'm all gown up now." Taya says around the toothbrush, while the foamy toothpaste drips from her mouth. I chuckle at the sight of it making it's way down her chin.

        "Yeah, baby, you're all grown up."

        "Just like you, Sissy." At this I stop pulling my fingers through her hair and look back at her in the mirror. Then at myself.

        For a moment I can see the scared seventeen year old girl who just ran away with her baby sister. Toxic thoughts swarm my mind.

        I shouldn't be stowed away in some dingy motel with a three year old. I shouldn't have to worry about being beaten or raped by my father. It isn't fair. None of this is fair. I want to be normal, is that too much to ask?

         But such is life, and this is what my life is. So I just have to deal with it and make sure it doesn't happen again, because that's all I can do. A cold determination has replaced the fear from moments ago and I hate that this is what I've become. Made cold and bitter far before my due time. But, this strength is what I'm going to need to pull Taya and myself through this bump in our lives.

        Continuing to brush Taya's hair, I pull her curls up into two pig tails high atop of her head. After that, she walks to the suitcases and picks out what she wants to wear while I take a moment to relieve my bladder. Finishing up, I walk back into the bedroom and find Taya with that damn purple dress on and a blue cardigan over top and blue tights to match.

        "When did you get so good at dressing yourself?" I ask while tickling her tummy.

        "Always, Sissy. I can dress myself really good." She replies. I laugh at her grammatical error, but what she says sinks in. I guess I'm not the only one who has grown older than her age.