The Deal

1. Lonique

Whatever happened to my happy ending?

I had pictured it so vividly, concocted plots that filled my imagination with storylines that stretched beyond the realm of life itself. One day, I would be saved. One day, I'd be okay to fall apart. To bend in the arms of my lover, to be fully submerged, incapsulated, and filled with his love. He'd look at me. I'd look at him.

He'd look at me again.

It would be perfect, we would be perfect. But now sitting here, minutes from leaving my sanctuary which was all but 350 square feet of nothing I felt myself slipping back into that misery I had swallowed for three months. I almost did have that fairy tale ending, but I made the mistake of forgetting.

Fairy tale endings don't happen for girls like me. The knight rides in on a stallion to rescue the "fair" maiden. Glancing in the mirror I took in the thick curve of my lips the darkness of my cheeks and the swish of my braids as they fell in soft tendrils down my long back. Ain't nothin' "fair" about me.

I jerked out of the negative downward spiral I knew I was on the road towards as my phone dinged beside me. Swiping for it, I grinned at the audacity of my friend Alicia's text.

"I know you're on your bed moping, cut it out, we're like two minutes away and I can already feel the vibes."

I for the record I was not moping. I was...reflecting. But God I needed to stop. Every painstaking moment that I didn't fill with reading, podcasts, yoga, or work sent me over the edge with grief at losing who I thought was my prince charming. I can almost picture his face now. Solemn, unapologetic, almost cruel as if the very sight of me disgusted him. Shaking my head I quickly responded with a text of my own.

"Don't worry, I've had my cummies so I'm riled up for the night."

With that being said, I plugged in my vibrator and tossed on my shoes, the red bottoms arched my heels and gave my legs their needed definition for the night. I didn't know what I was in store, but at least I look the part. The black crop top hugged my upper body, in a supportive embrace, lifting and tucking as it needed. My jeans hugged the curves of my hips, and of course, the red bottoms, the only salvageable thing from my past relationship, tied it all together. My heart quaked. Stop it, Lonnie, stop it. You're fine, everything is fine. I practiced my breathing. Inhale positivity, exhale the bullshit.

It seemed to be working as I felt the tight tension that had gripped its fingers around my chest loosen and fall through my stomach, dissipating into my floorboards and away from me. Maybe tonight I could relax. Maybe tonight could be my coming out. I had been a productive shut-in, for the past three months. Avoiding the outside world like a bear in hibernation. I'd all but grown a beard and begun living off of water and sunshine. Tonight, I was resurrected.

Tonight I would let go, I would dance, I would throw my head back and laugh unapologetically. I would fill the room with my joy, and it would be all others would see, it would distract them from the worry seated in my eyes, tapping its toes, grinning at me seductively, mocking me. Tonight would be different. Tonight would be...intoxicating.

In more ways than one.

I heard the loud honk before the shouts of "Get in bitch!" and immediately cracked a smile. The brigade had arrived.

Moving steadily out the door I paced myself. One foot in front of the other. Deep breaths. The rush of cool air was inviting and sent shivers up my arms, stinging at my bare stomach and nipping at my cheeks. Alicia tilted her head out of the passenger's side, her puffy cheeks glowing and eyes bright. "Ah! So she lives?"

I took a bow as my three other girlfriends whooped from their seats. "She's ALIVE!" I cried out, tossing my arms in the air. Finally, freedom. For the first time in three months...maybe things would turn out right for me tonight.