One

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how does it feel
when you treat me like you do
and you've laid your hands upon me

*****

Fear is something that has kept me moving, it's always hot on my trail, never letting me take a break

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Fear is something that has kept me moving, it's always hot on my trail, never letting me take a break. Our fears alone motivate us, the fear of not being enough makes you work harder, the fear of being found makes you hide better.

For such a long time I've had a fear of not being strong enough. How my gaze would always meet my fingers and I would fidget with them instead of ever looking into a persons eyes. I worried I'd be nothing more. I've spent my whole life running, and the fear of being caught only makes me run faster.

Inflicting fear onto someone else is something I'd never see myself doing. Ever. As I know as well as anyone else how it feels to coward in your own shadows. But the first time I put all my fear into another person, was the first time I wasn't scared. It was addicting.

The feeling of dominance and power, made me only want to cause more fear. In a way I'm only helping the scared come to their break points until they become the same as me.

Strength has taught me that running only makes you tired and weak. Fighting is what makes you strong. So that's what I've done once I realized there was a way for me to feel strong enough. Fight.

It's what's kept me undetected for all these years.

*****

My leg bounces up and down, I count how many times my heel hits the floor while I listen to my assistant ramble on about a shooting for a magazine. Trying to keep my anger at bay as best as I could.

"S-so basically what the editor of the company is saying is that um-you won't be able to do the shoot without a interview." My hands stretch into my hand, rubbing my temples in attempts to relax myself. I sigh into the phone pressed against my ear, "Haven't we been over this before? Clara?" I could practically hear her heart thumping through the phone.

"Well y-yes but I just-" I cut her off before she could finish her thoughts. "If they want an interview, we..." I trail off waiting for her to finish my sentence. "We say s-screw you." Something I've been saying since I rose quickly into power. It was simple modo I instilled on interns and assistants, that still seemed to not really go through their heads.

"Right, good job." I say sarcastically into the phone. I finish up conversation with my assistant and continue to work.

Hours go of work go by as I look down at the clock and the time read 4:47pm. Standing up from the desk, I turn around and lean back on it. The view of New York city streets brew with chaos as the Friday night drifted into the later hours. People watching is something I've always taken interest in. I could sit for hours, upon days and just watch the all different types of people.

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