𝐂𝐎𝐂𝐀𝐈𝐍𝐄 𝐁𝐔𝐋𝐋𝐄𝐓𝐒 {𝟏𝟖+}

𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐕

"How's your mom? Is she okay?"

"Not really. The doctor said her condition is getting worse by day."

"I'm sorry," she said. "Do you need money?"

Not wanting to rely on her more, I kindly declined her offer. I don't want her to worry more than she already is.

The rest of the ride was silent after that. I looked out and held back my tears. When we arrived, I unbuckled the seat belt and opened the door.

"Take a hundred dollars- here. It would help if you had some for food, transportation, and, you know, stuff," she said, handing me five ten-dollar bills and a fifty-dollar bill.

I turned around and smiled.

"No, it's okay. Don't worry about it."

"I insist."

"Alright, but this is the only time. I can't keep relying on you..."

"Don't worry about it. I want to help as much as I can."

I smiled, which she returned. As I was about to hop off, she stopped me.

"Wait," she said. "I almost forgot. I have something to give you."

She dug into her purse and pulled out a phone that looked about two years old.

"It's not easy to live without a phone," she said. "This is my old phone. I want you to have it. I've already cleared everything, so it's all yours."

Tears were welling up in my eyes. I don't deserve her. I don't deserve any of these.

"I can't, but thank you."

"What if there's an emergency?"

She's right, you know.

I gave her a big hug, thanked her, and hopped off. All I have to do is set it up, and we're good.

❦

𝐀fter some time of figuring out how to get everything settled, I finally finished. Everything is almost the same as it was on my old, broken phone.

But we do not speak of that.

I texted Madi to thank her again, but she didn't reply. I spent the next few hours searching for jobs, and I had a few written down already-

Full time @ sushi restaurant: $16.95/hour
Part-time @ McDonalds: $13/hour
Full time @ Starbucks: $12/hour

Of course, my first choice would be the sushi restaurant, but it requires a lot of talent, which I lack. All I can do is eat, and I don't think standing in front of food all day is going to help.

I don't have much choice. Everything is pushing me, and if I don't get a job soon, everything's going downhill- I'd lose everything: my mom, my house, and everything I can list. I can throw away everything in exchange for my mom to be healthy again. 

I covered my face with my palms in stress, groaning. Life is too complicated. I fucking swear I hate it more than I hate myself sometimes. 

I need to clear my mind before I overwhelm myself.

I grabbed some clothes and hopped into the shower. I spent the next thirty minutes overthinking and exaggerating my feelings, but once you're in that state, it's hard to pull yourself out of it. At some point, I was on the verge of crying, but I didn't want my eyes to get all puffy tomorrow just in case I finally decide to go to an interview. 

Closing the shower tap, I wrapped a towel around myself and opened the glass door, letting all the steam run free in the bathroom. I wiped the foggy mirror, revealing my reflection. It took a while to notice the bags under my eyes, and if they stayed there any longer, I might turn into a real-life panda.