Imagination's Saving Grace

Undercurrent

I am sorry for my momentary sacrifice to the shadows that may have left you wondering what happened, unsure if that were the end of the story or if I could possibly have survived those which call themselves the story book characters of darkness. Well, I am back to tell you who the girl upon the mountain sized hill was that called out those warnings for us to run. Then we will jump right into my new realities I wove to keep myself hidden from those I gave myself to, so I could offer Rain another chance at a free life.

It was May. Not the month. The girl. She was sitting alone inside a castle made of plastic, tiny holes acting as windows to bring in fresh air, a larger hole acting as an exit that led into the land of destruction. This land was swarming with able bodies willing to challenge anyone who thought to seek the one trapped inside this castle, out. I may have been within my prime years of seeking out trouble where I could but changing somebody's story was in my blood and I don't believe that will ever disappear. This challenged me to not a rescue but a mission to befriend the one who sat quietly hidden until the bell rang. I was younger back when I first met May at school. I met her about a year before Daniel arrived to rescue me. But regretfully, like everyone else she, too, faded into the background.

I could see May's profile, her bob-cut brown hair barely covering her eyes, as she looked toward the ground, picking at wood chips. Through my eyes recognition of sadness displayed upon her face. I knew that expression well, I myself when I am alone, vulnerable to the shadows, had it fixed upon my own face, for only the darkness to see. But I was good with putting on a brave face, for I wove stories from discarded words and opened my eyes to the world around me. From what I gathered of May's life was she lived with her father and little brother, I am not sure where her mother may have come into this story, but they weren't middle class, but they weren't poor either. She had clean clothes every day and she, herself was put together. May was shy and she wrapped her arms around her body as if she were trying to stay together, hiding her true self even from herself. But these flags were fluorescent, and they screamed look at me, even if she was trying to blend into the background. This unfortunately drew in the negative attention of those who sought out the weaker souls to make themselves feel better about the lack of self-confidence they too tried to hide. That is the only thing which needs to be known in order for kids to start singling others out. I admit I was of course one of those singled out kids, but I also found I wasn't one of those kids that showed others that they were hurting me, and for some of the other kids on the playground, that gave me credit. If they can't make me show them the hurt, then how would they feel better about their own?

As days passed and stories were spun, I could tell May was holding herself less, but she was still sad about something that must be happening at home. Some mornings she actually smiled when we were together, others she was back to the girl holding herself inside the plastic castle, those days I had to find a way to sneak into that castle and once again sit quietly with her until the bell rang. Luckily for us, kids our age didn't keep focus awfully long before getting distracted. I made it to May, fairly easily. All it took was a smile and for me to sit down before she smiled back. Satisfied that I wasn't there to question her, but to just keep her company. We may not have spoken very much but I call those days a positive in the friendship category.

One day, during our time inside the castle May asked: "How do you do it?" I wasn't quite sure what she was asking me though, so instead of answering I just looked at her waiting for her to finish her question. "How do you change the outcome of your story?" Then I understood. "I am not sure it is something I can explain, it is just a feeling I get sometimes and within those moments I can feel or hear small, whispered words and if I listen long enough the words form into sentences and sentences into scenes as pictures come to my mind forming pieces of stories." I could see May was just looking at me like she was trying to understand, and I knew I wasn't doing such a great job trying to explain. "I know, saying it out loud sounds unrealistic. Like, how can you change the outcome of your life or someone else's with only words?" I could feel myself faltering, "I am not great with spoken words, I am better with written expression. Allowing myself to release the negative outcome and bring forth one that is more manageable. Then you just keep trying until you find an outcome you can live with." I shrugged my shoulders as I looked back to May. But as I waited for May to give me a sign that she understood, the bell rang and instead of a verbal confirmation that I answered her question she just grabbed my hand and led us out into the land of destruction. This was my turn to ask her a question "What are we doing?" Just like it was an obvious answer, she shrugged her shoulder and without moving her lips I heard her answer "Changing my story, just like you said." May was a telepathic and she just shared her secret with me, by transmitting the words right into my mind. "I definitely didn't see this twist in the story!" We both laughed at our inside joke as we entered the school and I finally understood why she was how she was, and I started to understand sometimes your heart doesn't follow the rules set before you.

Yes, you guessed it. That is also how May called out the warnings to us while we were walking into an unknown trap as the sun was allowing the shadows room to roam free. We may have lost touch, but we were still linked in more than the woven words of our stories.

⃛

Sometimes words just weren't enough to help change the outcome forever though. Sometimes we simply need a break and the freedom that comes from it before we become so burnt out our paths back home turn into a hostile terrain which is too hard to navigate your way back through.

I remember all my friends from when I was growing up, we had fun. Genuine friendships were formed, friendship bracelets were given. Promises made that we would be friends forever. This is when the belief in the saying "Friendships that last forever" faded away. Then I look back and remember Her, that one friend that for whatever reason always found me with almost every move. Now I understand the hurt that must have been brought each time I wanted to hide, by no other than, me. May just so happened to be the yin to my yang, and just as that sign stated we seemed to always be opposite of each other, yet when you put us together, we were just "Us" and everyone around us was flowing energy trying their hardest to split us apart. We had fun throughout the years of all our adventures. She may have been the one piece to my story that kept me grounded, even before I learned that I, too, had a special ability to change lives. But that flow of energy was so powerful and overwhelming at times that I allowed it to take me away from reality, sometimes days at a time. She, being who she was, jumped into that ever-flowing stream and found herself right by my side, pulling me back so that we could complete the "Us" we were meant to be. After years passed, I found myself wanting to escape because I knew she understood who I really was and I myself felt that was a growing fear I had, and I suddenly wanted to be someone else entirely. These moments brought me closer to that lovely Fog, the one that over time I learned could become a protector of sorts. The barrier to the life I thought I couldn't live up to. I walked away from "Us" thinking it was for the best. With all the moves I always seem to lose someone or something, I thought to myself wouldn't it be easier to part ways now, then to move again and find this time she wasn't able to find me? That would just crush me even more than each passing year already did. But I had woven May into my story so often, I do not believe there was a way to remove her completely, not that I ever really wanted to. Nevertheless, that meant I may have been hidden within the Fog, living my life without much emotion that I didn't see that my parting from "Us", to not hurt myself, was really hurting her too. Yet, she never stopped trying no matter how egocentric I may have become. But everyone has their breaking point and I pushed her away so often that she soon faded into the background yet never truly able to leave this story.

Lesson learned: Even though I am protected from feeling emotions within the Fog, that doesn't mean those who come in contact with me while under my personal cover, didn't feel those feelings I hid from. They were just casualties of my unbelievably complicated selfish story to which I wrote all on my own. Maybe this was the warning my old imaginary friends tried to give me...