Imagination's Saving Grace

Lost Within The Fog

A look into my past. Stories pulled from the depth of my being. The internal monologue that played over and over again that trapped me, preventing me from truly finding myself. Stealing my confidence and bravery which could have led me down different paths. I am talking real bravery though, not the bull shit bravado masks I showed to those around me. No one I grew up with knew who I truly was, hell I didn't know who I was, so looking back it isn't surprising how I acted.

I held a constant cloak of cover which acted like a drug to me, I allowed it to consume me knowing that it would block my fears and block my emotional connections to the world around me. This is where it started to become addicting. I was going through my life in cloud of haze which I named the Fog. In those moments surrounded by that sense of freedom, prevented me from ever wanting to let that feeling go. I felt unstoppable!

Nevertheless, those moments without the Fog blocking my sensors, the thoughts that ran through my head, when I was in my early tween years into my late 20's, were anything but positive. A constant monologue of who I should be and how I should act was a persistent argument within my soul. Believe me when I say, everything I thought and every way I acted was never truly me. It was multiple masks of who I thought I needed to be to fit in. Masks in which I needed to survive the teenage world around me. I thought I couldn't be free, that I couldn't be me...whoever that might be. Without this cover I felt exposed, paranoid, like I was experiencing withdrawal symptoms and if I went another second without another taste of that lovely Fog... Well, I wouldn't know because I gave in and once again, I was floating in a world which blurred the lines of sense by a substance unseen by the human eye, yet the most powerful substance known to mankind all the same.

I found myself drawn to those who would help guarantee to lead me further from the path which would allow me to find myself sooner. With the Fog in tow, those people, and paths I searched for could have destroyed me or killed me if it weren't for the faded voice from deep within my sub-conscience, each night that I managed to fall asleep, telling me to move on and find a different way.

So, please. Allow me to extend you an invite to your own personal viewing of the different landscapes to which I once wandered free. Let you and I take a stroll down a few paths and chat about this Fog in which I speak. Don't worry, the Fog will be contained within these ink-filled pages no threat to me nor you.