神. ❛ 𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐧 𝐢𝐦𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬 𝐈

,, - a captain's affection ; kaeya

kaeya's weird ramblings continued on while you unlocked the door to your house. you spun your head to look at him while he adjusted himself so he was leaning against the wall. "what's up beautiful?"

you smirked a little. you couldn't take him seriously whenever he was drunk. his voice was so deep, yet it was filled with the sweet drunk of a young man. his hair was disheveled and messy just like his clothes, and damn were they tightly fitted around his body. you had taken too long to stare, and he caught you.

"enjoying the view, i believe?"

you giggled and turned your back to face him. "goodnight kaeya, i'll see you at work tomo—"

you saw kaeya slamming his hands against your door and you spun around as he trapped you against your door, pinning both his hands beside you to prevent you from moving. you didn't move though, your heart just started to beat faster. you could feel his hot breath trickling down your neck as he leaned in closer to your face, nuzzling his face close to yours.

you made a sound; he seemed to enjoy that, but only for a moment. he didn't pursue you, and he didn't make any moves on you like how you'd expect, he just started coming closer. his body coming closer. you could feel something; you could feel his... sad vibes. it felt like, he had something to tell you, yet he couldn't open his mouth to say the words. you felt like hugging him, and the dim lights around the area you two were in had encouraged you to do so.

nobody could see you two here.

"y/n..." he began. his voice was heavy and sweet, but there was sadness in there. all in the days work of heavy drinking you guessed. he moved his hands towards your shoulders and gripped them before he leaned his head down on your shoulders. "do you... enjoy my company?"

you nodded without much thought. you gave his body a tight squeeze as you wrapped your slender arms around him. "mm-hmm."

kaeya paused a while, not knowing how to speak. he had many things he was hiding, and he never showed his true intentions. one second he could be the most serious person on earth; and then the next, he would just start flirting the hell out of you. he was just like that, and it was no wonder that he would feel that others may not seem to like him or respect him as much.

especially his brother.

"y/n do you think i'm just... useless?" he asked. his voice was soft. it was gentle, there was no kaeya feeling to it. he sounded so lost. as if he didn't know who he was speaking to, he just wanted to speak. so you allowed him to. "i feel as though not many people seem to understand me. they see me... as just a flirty man, and that i am however... i know.. i'm more than that...? y/n... am i just like how the others say... useless and just a good for nothing waste drunk young man who flirts with all the people in the city... do you see me that way... too? someone you don't seem to care about... someone you just, don't really want to be around because of the things people say about me?"

he was pouring his heart out to you which he never really did. you never saw this side of him; the kaeya that felt his heart, and the kaeya that made you want to cry. he always had his masculine side shown, and he always impressed you by how strong he was – but now here he was.

here he was. stumbling to find words to express how he actually felt about everyone just using him for useless matters, and that nobody actually valued how good he was but just used him for the jokes and for the small issues that could be avoided or done alone. he felt unwanted. he felt outcasted. he felt alone.

you moved and managed to hold his face in your hands. his eyes were deep and hollow, you could barely see any life in there. his lips were parted slightly, as if he was going to cry. you were surprised he hadn't yet. if you were to speak like this, you would have surely started to weep. you brushed your thumb across his cheek as you smiled up at him.