Destination Life or Death

22.

I met up with Carl as he was walking over to go meet Ron. "What's up?" I asked, nudging his arm and then looking at my feet while I walked. "Gonna go talk to Ron." he spoke quietly. "I think somethings up," he said, shrugging and then stopping a few moments later when we reached him. "Hey," I said, sitting down on the ground with Ron while Carl stayed standing. "You okay?" Carl asked, adding onto me quickly. "Why wouldn't I be?" he asked looking up at Carl and then stabbing his knife into the ground again. "Have you seen Enid?" as the question left Carl's mouth I looked at him surprised and then back at Ron before Carl could see my face. "Not since I saw her with you the other night." he said, shaking his head. I knew the night he was talking about, because I saw them too. "I think she went over the wall just before the herd came and now she's trapped out there." he said shrugging but not moving his eyes from Ron's. "What makes you think she isn't dead?" Ron asked before stabbing his knife in the ground again and then sharing looks between me and Carl. "What did you just say?" I asked, shaking my head with an obvious angry face. "You're an ass!" I said standing up and then watching as he did too. "Look," Carl said pausing before looking at me, "I'll go find her, I just need your help." he said, not looking away from where Ron was now standing. "You can't be serious?' I questioned while facing Carl. "We don't need this guy's help" I said, shaking my head before seeing his eyes meet mine. "Maybe if we climb up-" he started speaking to Ron again before getting cut off. "I'm not helping you Carl." Ron spoke quickly. "This isn't for me Ron, this is for Enid. Your friend!" He replied "My girlfriend!" Ron said quickly, "Or I mean she was anyway right?" he paused before pointing to me. "And this poor girl, you cant even see that she's in love with you." he said laughing and then shaking his head. I felt tears come to my eyes, I was embarrassed. "So you want to just leave her out there?" Carl replied ignoring what he had said about me. "I told her to stop going over the wall, I told here theres bad people out there and that it is stupid and dangerous." Ron said angrily "It's not, if you know what you're doing." Carl added quickly, "Well I'm not letting you go." he spoke before Carl started to walk away with me behind him. "Carl," he said sternly, "Dezzy," he spoke after grabbing my arm tightly. I turned quickly and punched him in the nose. "I may love him Ron," I paused before standing over him and getting in his face, "but because of that, I would never, in a million years treat him they way you are treating Enid!" I said, slapping him again. "Grow up Ron, because love isn't a word to throw around anymore." I spit in his face before standing up and shoulder checking Carl. "Let's go." I said looking over my shoulder at Carl again before he started following me. "I'll tell your dad!" Ron spoke from the ground before we left, "And then, he'll go looking for you and other people will too and then eventually someone will die." he said laughing a bit before breathing in deeply, "You saved my life, now I'm saving yours." he spoke before we left. "So are we going to look for her or not?" I questioned once we got back to the house. "Dezzy, I just want to make sure she's safe." He said moving to stand in front of me, "Listen," he said, sitting down on the couch and pulling me to sit next to him. "At the prison it was easy. We didn't have as many responsibilities and we could be around each other more. Now you've become a lead in this group and you do more outside the walls than you do inside. It's just hard to not make friends when my best friend is never here anymore." I knew what he was saying was true. I was never here much anymore, and after losing my arm, I've been training more than I used to need to. "Carl, I'm not mad." I said shaking my head, "He was right though,'' I paused before looking into his blue eyes, "I am in love with you Carl Grimes.'' I shook my head but didn't move my eyes off of his. "But you're right, I'm not here, and if you want to be with someone else and that'll make you happy then do it." I could feel the tears start lining my eyes before I shook my head to shake it away. I focused back on him "But Carl, please be careful with Ron, he just doesn't sit right with me.'' I said, shrugging. Carl laughed "I don't think he will ever treat you badly again though." he said looking at me and then putting his hand on my thigh. "Let's go to bed." he said, grabbing my hand and pulling me to the stairs. We hadn't slept in the same bed together in a long time, but I think we both needed it, we wanted it.

The last few days were rough. Glenn and Nicholas never made it back and neither did Sasha, Abraham and Daryl. "You don't have to be up here so much." I was talking to Maggie at the front guard tower. "I want to," she said, closing her eyes. "This is the direction he'd come in, if he sends out a signal it'll be from out there." she said looking at me then out into the trees again. "Or it won't be." she said, sighing. "Hey," I said, placing my hand on her back, "when we go out there, it's never easy or simple, there's always a fight. And, we... He has come back from harder things. From further away. Glenn and everyone else will be back." I said smiling slightly. "Maybe we shouldn't wait for them to get back." I said shrugging and then looking along the walls that were still packed with walkers. "We should start figuring out how to draw these walkers away." I said nodding and then looking back at her while she looked at me. "We have food and water and the walls are holding, we can take our time, really think it through and do it correctly." I paused waiting for her to agree. "Dezzy," she paused, "you can always talk to me, ya know that?" she asked, nodding to me. "You just never talk much about your life, or what happened before" I looked at her and could see she genuinely cared. "I've talked plenty to Carl." I said laughing a bit, "That boy heard my whole life story and honestly I think he is the only person I need knowing who I used to be." I said smiling and then resting my arms on the wall and looking out. "Ya know, I'm nothing like how I used to be. And I feel like at this point, it doesn't matter who I was, it matters who I'm turning into." I nodded before standing up straight again and hugging Maggie. "They'll be back Mags, don't worry." I winked with a smile before climbing off the tower and walking back to the house.