𝐃𝐎 𝐌𝐄 𝐀 𝐅𝐀𝐕𝐎𝐔𝐑 ➵ 𝐅𝐄𝐋𝐈𝐗 𝐖𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐍

xi. crush or be crushed

DO ME A FAVOUR!

I JUST wanted to crawl into a hole and die, i was too emotionally wrecked. it's been about three days since everything with felix happened and i hadn't left my house at all. camryn came over everyday after school to see me, like i would make any progress with being in my bed all day, wallowing in my own self pity.

my heart hurt, my brain hurt, everything just ached. i didn't want my feelings to come out yet but i let felix and everything he was saying about lake get the best of me, like how everything gets the best of me. i bet felix and lake probably made out or something after i left because felix just doesn't feel that way about me. were we even friends at all? did he even care? probably not.

i'm not even sure why i let it slip that i liked him when i knew he didn't feel the same way, i guess my subconscious wanted me to fail and cry in my bed for the next week; it wanted to see me defeated.

i heard the door knock. "come in, camryn." i sniffled as i realize it hadn't been camryn at the door, it was my mother. "mom?" i rose up on my bed, actually sitting up, something that i hadn't done in a few days. "you're supposed to be in london right now, why are you here?" i asked.

"camryn messaged me letting me know that you've experienced your first heartbreak." she said, tossing her purse aside and coming over to my bed. she sat on the right side of the bed, reaching for my hand. what's the use in fighting with her now, i let her hand grasp mine. "i'm so sorry, baby." she said, giving my hand a squeeze.

"you didn't have to come back, mom. i'm alright, i promise." i smiled to her weakly, though i knew she could see through my bullshit excuses.

"i remember my first heartbreak, it was in high school, before i met your dad." she smiled to herself. "it was hard, i wouldn't even let anyone see me at all. i locked myself in my room all day and night, didn't eat for days, i just wasn't myself." she said, letting her guard down a little bit. i know my mom can irritate the hell out of me but for once, i saw this more emotionally vulnerable side to her, someone i'd never seen in her before. "and i know how much it hurts right now, sweetheart, you feel like you got punched in the gut and you just want to cry but just wait, it'll all be over soon." she patted my hand as she smiled to me.

"i just wish i hadn't told him, mom. i had a good thing going with him, we were friends. but this girl got in the way and well, i let it slip and here i am." i said, plummeting back into my pillows. before i could hit the bed, i felt her catch me, bringing me back to sitting up.

"well, you know what? fuck him! if that boy can't see how wonderful you are and would choose that girl over you, he just isn't the boy you want." she said, trying to comfort me. but he's all i wanted and more. he treated me like an actual person and not just some pretty face. he would call me out on my shit, he did it for years on end. but now? all his focus was on lake.

i felt like bursting into tears but i knew if i did, my mom wouldn't leave me alone about this. and once again, life hits me again and here i am, crying into my mom's shoulder, feeling like the biggest idiot that has ever walked planet earth.

"DO YOU know when you'll be ready to come back?" camryn spoke on the phone with bambi. camryn was currently at school, sitting down outside. it was around lunchtime, so it was kind of a long shot whether or not bambi would be awake or not; luckily, she was.

"no, not really.." bambi said, sighing over the phone. "maybe next week, i'm not sure. everything still hurts and it'll just hurt to even see him."

"i understand, please be eating and having water, i don't want you getting sick, okay? love you lots, bamb. i'll come see you later." camryn smiled to herself before ending the call with bambi. she began typing on her phone when the certain boy who broke her best friend's heart began to approach her.

camryn looked up to him sitting across from her, immediately wanting to get up and leave, but she knew she couldn't. she had to get whatever was in her head off her chest.

"what's wrong with you, felix? first, you break her heart and now you're trying to talk to me? life doesn't work like that. go back to your little girlfriend that you keep defending, she'll break your heart at any moment and you'll feel the way you made my best friend feel." camryn ranted, not letting felix get a single word in.

"it's not like that camryn, lake and i aren't together. and i didn't mean to hurt bambi the way i did." he said, trying his best to make eye contact with camryn.

"it's not about you not meaning to hurt her. you could've at least stuck up for her but you couldn't even do that. you weren't even a good friend to her for that, felix. she's been in her room for days straight and she hasn't even left her house. or gone to school, just to avoid seeing you. she really liked you, felix. i've never seen her like someone like that before. all those years of her reaching out to apologize to you for calling you lone stone, trying to make it up to you anyway she could, that was her way of letting you know how much she liked you." she said. "and yet, you ignored her and gave her the cold shoulder. you did it then and you're doing it now, all because she has a crush on you. the least you could is apologize because right now, she's still in her room, crying her eyes out all because of you." she finished, leaving felix sitting by himself, the conversation circling in his head, repeating itself over and over again.

she has a crush on you.