I Want It All | Spencer Reid x Reader

19

Spencer lets you continue talking. You know he's listening to everything you're saying because you can hear him crying.

"My sister died in a car accident, she was hit by a drunk driver. She had went out to a party that night and I kept on telling her that it wasn't worth it and she didn't need to go, but I couldn't stop her. She left and I wish I would've tried harder to get her to stay because one second she was here and the next, she was gone.

When we found out about her death, my parents immediately blamed me and would say things like, "Our baby is dead because of you." or "This is all your fault." and I would believe them because if I would've tried harder, she would still be here, but I didn't. I let her leave.

The only person who had asked how I was doing was Desiree. She helped me get through everything. She'd always let me talk to her about my feelings, my parents, my sister. She was the only person to know that I was harming myself."

You stop for a second and wipe some tears from your face and look up at Spencer and he has tears running down his cheeks. You lift up your hands and wiped his tears and offer him a weak smile and he returned it and gives you a nod.

"I feel like none of this makes any sense, but I'm trying my best to explain everything to you in the best way possible for you to understand." You tell him before you continue.

He doesn't say anything, just hums in response.

"For four years, my parents didn't talk to me, call me, ask me how I was doing, check up on me, nothing. It's like I was already dead to them. My parents saw me as a party girl and a mess. They never saw me for who I really was.

I got my act together when I turned 21. Moved out of their house, got my job as a teacher. Went back to school. I stopped harming myself, started gaining healthy weight, applied for jobs at hospitals. I didn't drink as much as I used too. I only smoke when I get anxiety or can't sleep. But my life has been horrible since I was younger and losing my sister was my breaking point.

I wanted everyone to know that I was hurting, that I was in pain, but no one payed attention. Just Desiree.

My parents thought that what I was doing was for attention because I felt guilty about what happened to my sister.

I moved out of their house and bought this apartment with the help from Desiree, but now that I have my job, I'm able to pay for all my bills, rent, and necessities.

Spence I started hurting myself again because I got scared. I felt the same way I did when I was with my parents. I couldn't bring what I was feeling to words, so I thought the best thing to do was be gone." You finish and you're crying even harder and Spencer's hold on you tightens and his tears fall on you.

"Y/N I'm so sorry that you went through all of that. I wanted to talk to you about what was going on with you, but I was afraid of what you would say.

I noticed how you would start to shake in your sleep, cry in your sleep, cover up more than usual, I knew from there that you were in pain and hurting yourself again." Spencer tells you as he wipes his tears and sits you up so you're facing him.

You both have red puffy eyes and Spencer opens his mouth to say something.

"Before I left for my case, I went into your bathroom and took your razor blades. I knew that you were hurting yourself again and I don't know why I thought that just by taking them, you'd stop, but I was fucking wrong because I get here and see you-." He tells you and he puts his head down as he cries.

You carefully grab Spencer and pull him into a hug. The fact that Spencer took your razor blades was showing you how much he truly really cared about you. He didn't have to say it in words, it was all with his actions.